Spent the day reading through all the letters in my mailbox. Bills, newsletters and ads flooded every inch of the little space that i shared with the dozens of households in the block. This is probably how much junk mail one can expect after losing the only key to the box and fixing it a month later.

Let's see what are the kind of stuff we get daily. Bills from PUB urging you to pay up your outstanding electricity bills, reminders (or "red letters") threatening to cut your supplies if you don't, telephone bills from Singtel and Starhub, Town Council letters, school fees from Republic Poly (for my brother), HDB bills etc etc. This does not include the wide variety of printed ads ranging from real estate, tuitions, spa sessions, KFC coupons, Burger King's discounts, donations forms... The biggest occupants includes magazines and newletters from Pioneer, NSman, CDans, Woodlands Focus, Cohesion, Sembawang News and the ever-regular Court's "XX sale" booklets.

There's a fundamental difference between junk mails in the mailbox and my email. How I wished I could clear everything with just a click with my finger. Oh well, just my luck for losing my mailbox key...

Deleted the previous entry.

I decided not to disclose too much about my own life to those unseen viewers out there. Didn't want too many people to know what kind of problems I face, so that they will not view me differently because of my background. I just want to be like everyone else, to be ordinary. I shall remain an engima till then.

Everything in life moves in a cycle, there's a cause and an effect. If I feel depressed, this despondancy will result in more dejection, thereby making my short-lived life more miserable. This vicious cycle will forever continue until the day I can break out of it. As such, I decided to take things in my stride and see things positively. It's a tough job, considering that I'm a pessimist in nature. But I'll work things out, sooner or later.

Had a discussion with the rest about what we're going to do after NS. They can't really think of anything that I, as an FASS graduate will be able to do in the future other than a teacher. Even I myself have some problems imagining my future road. Is teaching the only way out?

Despite being a idealist, I guess that's the probable road down for me. Practicality and Idealism doesn't really mix in this world. Didn't really feel that teaching is the right career for me, but I can't find any other alternatives. I need some advice...

I shall put them aside for now. Too tired to think about these after the energy-consuming drill session. Got basic theory test tomorrow morning too, do wish me luck. Meeting the sec sch gang too for some belated birthday celebrations too. Will update soon...

"The Day When Everything Went Wrong" was the title of the essay my sis needed help in. I was kinda stuck at first, since it's been a long time I had a very strong inspiration to write creatively. But that day came eventually. Today.

I had this overwhelming inspiration to write a poem about this person in mind, whom i shall call S (lest it becomes too direct and create some embarrassment, but i'll provide hints). S is the perfect person for me to refer to as the "Computer Man". His life is programmed to the point of perfection, a flawless prototype of a new generation of "AI". Mutiple fine-tuning sessions completely removed all forms of blemishes within him, so he will only do anything that is mathematically installed. No arguments, no non-compliance with general order, no shortcuts, no time to slack, NO !!!

Enough of all these mindless ramblings. I shall stop before I explode and disintegrate into html codes.

Went for ippt this morning, only to find that all efforts gone to waste due to CAT1. Maybe I'm just not fated to pass this time. Sad coincidence that everytime I attempt, it will always rain. Tried to be optimistic but suffered another blow when we (andy and I) went to the canteen and nothing was left (maybe except for some plain eggs and leftover rice). What's worst is that I realised I'm out of cash (temporarily) and almost had no money to get home. Luckily I still had coins to tide through.

Everything in neopets went wrong too. Just didn't have the luck to get any freebies. Even my portfolio in the stock market fell significantly. Need to check back once again after I come back in 2 days time. Nothing seems to go in the right direction today.


Hey, I just got a free codestone from Tombola. At least something good happened before the day ended...

my 80th post and i decided to make it special (after all NDP is coming)...

"I am Singaporean, so say we all"

After spending the past 20 days involved in activities like sleeping in the day, doing duties and staying up late nights chasing the euphoria of the World Cup, it's finally over. It's about time to get some well-derserved rest from soccer, at least for now.

I'm still suffering from the aftershock from the finals. Totally dumbfounded by the actions of Zidane which eventually resulted in his send-off. This Zizou is not the one I know. What a way to end his international career with such an astonishing appearance.

Took some time off to visit mrbrown.com for yet another of his distinctive podcasts. Another startling news that I uncovered (or maybe I haven't been reading the news for some time). It so appears that mrbrown's column been sanctioned from TODAY after his article (which I found to be quite entertaining) Singaporeans are fed up with progress. wonder why?

What an insightful "documentation of the dysfunctional side of Singapore life".

Here's a little story i found from my bookshelves. Do spend time reading and ponder over it (while i come up with plans for activities that may prove worthy mentioning)...

Flying

Roger Dean Kiser

Once upon a time there was a little boy who was raised in a orphanage.

The little boy had always wished that he could fly like a bird. It was very difficult for him to understand why he could not fly. There were birds at the zoo that were much bigger than he, and they could fly.

"why can't I?" he thought. "Is there something wrong with me?" he wondered.

There was another little boy who was crippled. He had always wished that he could walk and run like other little boys and girls.

One day the little orphan boy who had wanted to fly like a bird ran away from the orphanage. He came upon a little boy who could not walk or run playing in the sandbox.

He ran over to the little boy and asked him if he had ever wanted to fly like a bird.

"No," said the little boy who could not walk or run. "But I have wondered what it would be like to walk and run like other boys and girls."

"That is very sad." said the little boy who wanted to fly. "Do you think we could be friends?" he said to the little boy in the sandbox.

"Sure." said the little boy.

The two little boys played for hours. They made sand castles and made really funny sounds with their mouths. Sounds which made them laugh real hard. Then the little boy's father came with a wheelchair to pick up his son. The little boy who had always wanted to fly ran over to the boy's father and whispered something into his ear.

"That would be OK, " said the man.

The little boy who had always wanted to fly like a bird ran over to his new friend and said, " You are my friend and I wish that there was something that I could do to make you walk and run like other little boys and girls. But I can't. But there is something I can do for you."

The little orphan turned around and told his new friend to slide up onto his back. He then began to run across the grass. Faster and faster he ran, carrying the little crippled boy on his back. Faster and harder he ran across the park. Harder and harder he made his legs travel. Soon the wind just whistled across the two little boys' faces.

The little boy's father began to cry as he watched his beautiful little crippled son flapping his arms up and down in the wind, all the while yelling at the top of his voice,

"I'M FLYING, DADDY. I'M FLYING!"

Annoyed. Irritated. Displeased. Exasperated. Infuriated. Crossed. Jaundiced. Offended. Troubled. Piqued.

These are probably the words to describe what i'm feeling right now. Extremely annoyed by the fact that i actually had to wait for more than an hour for the stupid bus to get back home, even though the sign wrote "off-peak waiting time approximately 20 mins".

Impatient I may be, this wait is somewhat unreasonable. This particular bus I have been waiting for appears to be a loop service, but the time it took to arrive from the opposite stop is so much longer. What's worst is the fact that the bus actually went off without stopping though I raised my hands out long before it reached the stop. Plain unlucky. Almost fell asleep waiting, like a beggar on the streets.

Killed my blogging mood for the day. Wanted so much to tell everyone how addicted to mahjong my family members are. This passion for mahjong lies in our genes. Afterall, the ones i played mahjong with are my grandma and younger cousins. The one with the most potential appears to be my younger niece, who is just 5 years old.

My cousins playing blackjack, my uncles scanning the 4D tickets, my aunts talking about soccer, my grandma playing mahjong. Ironic it is, because we often advocate "non-gambling" and here we are doing everything that goes against it.

Didn't have plans to do for the past one week and thus no new entries.

Soporific lifestyle remains the main theme for the month. Ever since the new standby schedule is up, there hasn't been much free time outside of camp for me to organise activities that may prove worthwhile. Most of the time is spent indoors, either sleeping or staring into blank space, contemplating.

These days i'm wondering whether to start something different, to embark on a new pursuit that could be interactive and intellectual. But somehow, i can't devise a hobby that could use up lots of time and effort, can be done indoors, improves a certain skills that i have. Or perhaps i already had something in mind, only fearful that i don't have the confidence to see it till the end.

Time is slowly ticking, and i better be decisive soon...

And it's the time of the year that everyone's waiting for, The World Cup (except for the occurence of the leap year which falls on the same schedule). 4 years of euphoria, disappointments, winning streaks and unexpected upsets is up for grabs once again. Will this year belong to Brazil once again? or will favourites, England, Germany, Argentina, Spain overturn the odds and triumph at the football's greatest stage?

Everyone awaits in anticipation.

Are there times when you felt a generation gap with your parents?

Well, I did.

It seems weird that there could be times like these that makes you feel as though you and your parents belong to dfifferent worlds. Usually I would be able to understand my parent's intentions in doing something, but i don't know what happened this time round. It wasn't a heated argument, merely a philosophical discussion of the alternative viewpoints to a problem. Sometimes i just don't know what's going on in their mind. It's either i'm too idealistic and immatured to know the complexities of this world, or their perspectives of ideas are too traditional and outdated. But i opt for the latter.

Looking at the arguments between my younger siblings and my parents made me wonder about this unsolved question. Most of the time, i tend to stay neutral and seek to understand the problem, and solutions came. Gradually, I began to formulate reasons why these problems occur. So much so that even my younger siblings say that i have a generation gap with them.

3 years age difference and there's a generation gap? Unlikely, but still possible.

Is it true that the generation gap occur because of differences in age? Or rather differences in ideology, culture, living environment, education etc. I want to know more, which means i need to have more "educational" interaction with my parents.

I'll see that it doesn't escalate out of control.

The consequences of overshopping has finally hit me, and quite hard this time round.

Despite exceeding the monthly budget, i was out again (with old pals, penghui and weelun) to orchard to see what it's like to shop during the GSS. Armed with only $10 in my wallet, i thought i would be safe from all the temptations all around me, but i was so wrong. The atm card was still "accidentally" left in my pocket. I should have expected this kind of situation and set up the proper defenses against this rising feeling of uncontrolled spurging, but i didn't.

No one to be blamed for this, it's all my fault. I was the very own transgressor of the boundaries i set for myself. I told myself umpteen times that i spent too much, and my "stingy" behaviour should have stopped me, but i didn't cared less.

Money gone just like that.

Little wonder my mother always say, "the money you earned in a year could be spend in just a day." How true.

I ought to curb myself from spending unneccessarily again. which means no more changi v for the next few weeks. My intuition tells me this will be yet another futile session, but nevertheless i hope it works.

And this time round, i'm leaving my atm card in my drawer, for good.

reading boon kian's entry on Love, Desire and Attachment, i ought have more control over impulsive buying, but it doesn't seem to work.

according to the entry, attachment never work for 4 reasons. (taken from boon kian's site)

1.The object of desire cannot sustain the present experience. It is ephemeral. We are actually after permanent happiness, which the object of craving cannot fulfil.
2. If we rely upon everything in accordance with our wishes, our merit declines, and soon our ability to enjoy other objects declines. E.g. becomes poorer and perhaps unable even to buy necessary items

3.The object is impermanent. It is constantly changing. When we develop desire for an object, we take a freeze frame of the object. We expect it to stay the same forever. We look for perfection in it and more often than not, it doesn't live up to the expectations we ourselves generated. We thus feel disappointed all the time.

4.The object is empty. All the good qualities we perceive of it does not come from the object itself but from our minds. We're fooled by its appearance and will not know that until we realise emptiness.

despite reading this article, i still couldn't resist the temptation and bought...Zen Vision:M from the PC show at suntec city. and it proves 1 thing, what you preach may not be what you practise...

i should reflect on my actions...

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

choonpeng--

[noun]:

An alien

xia will probably be laughing her heads off when she sees this. arghhh...

i'm so totally hooked on kingdom hearts 2 & sudoku.

it's either due to changes in the duty slots that i have more free time then before, or there seems to be a new craze going around in merah. everyone's seems to be totally engrossed with the kingdom hearts game that they can actually forgo our all-time favourite PS2 game, winning eleven 9.

other than this particular game, there is something else that made my day intellectually-fulfilling,the sudoku puzzle. it is such a good way to workout my semi-conscious brain as well as a good time waster. before you know it, almost half the day is gone trying to solve this sudoku puzzle.

but that's only in-camp activity. i still need to find stuff to do outside. haiz, the da vinc movie is out already and i haven't even watch it yet (so much for planning beforehand, now penghui couldn't watch it with me). anyone wanna watch it together?

"Mr Palomar thinks, imagining himself a bird.'It is only after you have come to know the surface of things,' he concludes, 'that you venture to seek what is underneath. But the surface is inexhaustible."
-From the terrace, Mr Palomar

found this fantastic book during a random search in the library while waiting for penghui last sun. titled Mr Palomar by Italo Calvino, this collection of short stories completely captured my utmost attention for this past week. the beauty of this book lies in its ability to bring across sophisticated themes with ease and clarity.

short stories like The blackbird's whistle, The contemplation of the stars, Serpents and skulls, The world looks at the world (just to name a few), brings across many expandable themes that allows existentially-starved people (like me) to have a very different approach to understanding more about ourselves and the world.

Daily experiences can be a very important factor in trying to formulate (or rather, to come up with) your own notion of your existence. after all, such "life" questions are often subjective. probing into existentialism appears to be quite futile, but there are times when i can be enlightened, bringing my mind closer to my heart.

the relationship between the self and the world is complex, and i'm dying to know more about it, even though what i learnt is just the "inexhaustible surface".

Crazy Peng and his "zai cai fan" crew is out to terrorize the town once again with their ever-contagious laughters and exaggerated actions. This time round, the team headed to Lot 1, where it's closer to home ( loyal fan popularity remains the highest)...

our first destination at our Lot 1 tour started out at the foodcourt on the 4th floor (near to the library). there, we had to fill up our hungry tummies (or is it just me?) to get all the energy we need for the latter performance at k-pool.

played pool to a 'live' audience is indeed much different then at marina because there was a large group of people around, and so gave more publicity to our group. lin's laughter remains the centre of attraction.

i don't know whether it's just pure luck or they were secretly training at home since their last defeat at marina (their first time playing pool), because their skills were exceptional. Maybe it's just me and zhiqin off-form because we can't seem to be able to hit the ball into the hole. Missed out a lot of chances which inevitably led to my final loss in the game to xia.

seems that xia's prophecy came true today. I really lost. arghhh, though i had to admit it. Luck appears not to be on my side (or perhaps xia got some supernatural influence coming from the next table?).lol.

took our favourite neoprints after that. this time round i'm transformed into another imaginary character (again). lin rebuked that only my face suits the 'old man' image (but i feel that i almost fit the bill for all kinds of extraordinary people). pics will be up soon on my friendster account.
(includes the photos taken at the merlion park the last time).

gtg. missed out on my 8-hours sleep schedule again... fatigued but enjoyable. need to meet up again soon (sentosa or zoo?)...

"Sea Soldiers" as they called it in the April's issue of Pioneer.

at last, these Regimental Policemen (RPs) in the naval bases can shake off their "poorly portrayed" image with the creation of a new identity, the Base Defence Squadron. Somehow, there are uncanny similarities between them and us (still called RPs) in our Field Defence Squadron, both in terms of our training and our job scope.

adapted from the Pioneer magazine (specially shortened for easy understanding),

The Regimental Policeman is one of those misunderstoond vocations. Sure it's not as physically challenging as other more 'glamorous' vocations, but it is nowhere as 'cushy' as some people feel.

For a start, it is a challenge to be awake, alert and all alone while the rest of the world is asleep, doing either sentry duty or 24-hour foot and mobile patrols...

It doesn't help that some people have an impression that RPs have an easy life (all they do is stand next to the scanners and metal detectors and check bags and passes, then they go home), which is not the real case.

Combat-fit RPs double as base defenders, trained to protect key installations by setting up fortifications like wire obstacles and gun emplacements, and are proficient in handling and firing various weapons and operational skills - just like any other soldier.

After all, the typical RP's 6 weeks session is nowhere comparable to our 3 mth fdc. what we learn during the course followed by the 3 weeks on-job-training (OJT) is constantly tested out in various tests and exercises, some even weekly. So it is saddening to hear from people that RPs are slack. What we do may be different from other units, but that does not neccessarily meant that our standards are comparatively lower. It is just that we adhere to different sets of rules.

Our counterparts in the navy can now correct this deeply-rooted misconception (as well as getting the additional $150 pay), when will it be our turn in the air force?

the most tumultuous period of all times...

somehow this new mathematical formula managed to prove itself to be logical...

1 day book out= 24 hours
24 hours = 10am to 10am next day.

but...
late book out at 1200hrs= -2 hours.
early book in at 0700 hrs= -3 hours.
no bus before 7am= night before book 0000 hrs= -7 hours.
time travelled to and fro from camp= -3 hours.
total time wasted= -2 + -3+ -7+ -3= -15hours.

therefore...
1 day book out= 24 hrs -15hrs= 9hours.
(so what's the difference between 1 day off and time off?)

that's not all...
too much to be taken into account that i guess this is probably the only time when a illogical idea becomes a logical one.


so much changes to the system till i've lost total confidence in the upper management... no more comments for all this kind of stupid arrangement...

mostly likely to stay in camp almost everyday (as of this moment)... let's see... missing out on so much things because of this... haiz... no mood for any post also...


fav. quote of the month
"This is the final detailing. No changes will be entertained. Pls do not come and look for me"-PC

laughing at how idiotic i look... i'm a maths genius... lol...

it's out finally....

the fishbone that is stuck in my throat for the last 72 hrs.

treatment list
10 dosage of fast-flowing drinking water.
10 dosage of hard-to-swallow cooked rice.
3 dosage of SFI fried chicken.
2 dosage of chocolate muffins, sandwich and other night snacks...
verdict: unsuccessful.

01 x dosage of chicken fantastic meal (upsized)
01 x unexpected scary bill + insulted as "money sucker" from delievery man
verdict: successful.

so the chicken fantastic meal does have it's own use...hehe...

my stomach hurts from all that laughing yesterday at the Merlion Park (is it the name of that place?) but that's not that important. what's far more important is that we attracted quite a lot of unneccessary attention from our rather "exaggerated" photo shots.

conducted a small gathering at town with the usual permanent members of the "za cai fan" (promptly set up unofficially as of yesterday night)... xia the lead singer, lin the pianist, zhiqin the drummer, and me the guitarist (though none of us had the slighest idea of the instruments we were playing). lol...

seems like the effects of the television is far-reaching and deeply etched in us. got crazy with shots depicting scenes from da chang jing, famous superstars and the more recent superband. perhaps it's the reason why we attracted so much attention (or it was lin's unstoppable laughter?).

did quite a lot of walking and eating too. indecisive in nature, we couldn't decide on where to go for lunch. apparently stuck due to the overwhelming numbers of restaurants there at MS that we ended up at a place least expected (the food court at sc). arghhh. 2 hours of deep thought and this is all we could come up with. it appears that we need to do more street surveying very soon.

lin claimed to be cheated of her money when she bought something that wasn't really that mouth-drooling (but the sizzling lamb teppanyanki was). that was the start of the makan tour that fetches us all the way to.... ....
(xia: what's the name of the place we eat the hokkien mee, carrot cake and chay kueh tiao?)

but nevertheless the food there was much better and brought up the atmosphere for the latter programmes.

oops... missed out on the hilarious pool session. just had to blog this down cause it is so funny to see newbies playing pool. can't imagine all the things they did. lol... wanted to take photos (photos again? of course) but the staff didn't allowed us to do so. even wanted xia to delete away all the photos taken. what a let-down... but we did enjoyed ourselves there. more options opened to us for our future meet-ups...

by the time we are totally done with all the photo-taking session, most of us were totally drained... that's about all (a book-out day well-spent).