What is it that I want to achieve in life?
After a msn conversation with huihui, I seem to understand this a "little" better. I still remember all these years, the only dream that I had was to make it to university. Now that I am here, it dawned onto me that I no longer have anything else to look forward to.
Even in retrospect, sometimes I wonder why I am so concerned with getting a degree in the first place. Perhaps it was due to socialization when all of us were young. Our parents always tell us to study hard and get a good degree, otherwise we can only be "road-sweepers" or "toilet cleaners". Somehow this is only true to an extent. You don't have to be a road-sweeper even without any qualifications, and it does not necccessarily meant that you can't be a degree holder toilet cleaner. Come to think of it now, I laugh at how silly I was to believed them in the past.
But I guess our parents are encouraging us for our own good. In this competitive society, qualifications seems to be all that matter. Good Honours means better paying job. But is that what I really want? Materialism doesn't seem to appeal me much. I am pretty fine just wearing pasar-malam clothes or imitation adidas from bangkok. Or is it the society itself, we value success only in such monetary terms. What happened to everything else? Does being poor really meant you are a total failure?
Again people is going to criticse that I'm daydreaming (idealist), or I should just conform to majority. Or that I have never tasted poverty to understand how money can make one happy. Yes that is true, but didn't our parents lived a life that used to be tough? How can we tell that they are more happy now than before?
But that is a side point. I can't forsee myself being happy just by earning a lot of money, whether I can afford to get my own car or that newest Iphone. I don't know what makes me happy (at least for now). There must be more to life that this.
I want to live a life where I know if I were to die tomorrow, I can still leave with a smile. Not trying to be pessimistic here, but since the future is unknown, anything is possible. Some incidents have a higher probability than others though, like getting heart attack, car accident, more than dying under the debris from an earthquake. I don't want to waste my time pursuing these superficial things.
Even after 10 years, I still don't really know what I want in life after all.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Yesterday night spent at admiralty park was indeed worthwhile.
The sky was overcast since evening, and I was pretty afraid the clouds would remain so. Fortunately, the sky managed to clear up a little at about 2am. That was when I got so random and decided to take the field chair down my block and see from the bus stop (which is much darker). Apparently while I was staring into the sky, a police car stopped by. Super shocked because I had like no IC, no phone, no money with me at all.
The policemen thought I was drunk and sitting by the road. Oh well, I guess its really quite weird to find a lone figure sitting in the middle of the bus stop, leaning against the lamp post and staring into the sky.
Anyway, my uncle came and we headed for admiralty park. Set up the stuff and used the binoculars. That was when the sky cleared and I saw the most starry night I haven seen in Singapore (with the exception of Tekong).
In the end, I got to see 4 meteors, including one with a very nice blue trail. A special bonus when we unexpectedly located mars using the telescope =)
The sky was overcast since evening, and I was pretty afraid the clouds would remain so. Fortunately, the sky managed to clear up a little at about 2am. That was when I got so random and decided to take the field chair down my block and see from the bus stop (which is much darker). Apparently while I was staring into the sky, a police car stopped by. Super shocked because I had like no IC, no phone, no money with me at all.
The policemen thought I was drunk and sitting by the road. Oh well, I guess its really quite weird to find a lone figure sitting in the middle of the bus stop, leaning against the lamp post and staring into the sky.
Anyway, my uncle came and we headed for admiralty park. Set up the stuff and used the binoculars. That was when the sky cleared and I saw the most starry night I haven seen in Singapore (with the exception of Tekong).
In the end, I got to see 4 meteors, including one with a very nice blue trail. A special bonus when we unexpectedly located mars using the telescope =)
more on facebook album. This shall be the start of my star gazing album.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Independent Thinker: Career
As an Independent Thinker, you are one of the introverted personality types. That is one of the reasons you prefer to work alone. This does not mean that you cannot be successful in a team, as well. For you, the task is most important and people who are involved come second. The contact with others, the necessity to adjust yourself to their daily changing sensitivities - all of it is just more gratuitous emotion that keep you from totally devoting yourself to those things that truly interest you: analyzing systems and policies, researching potentials for change, developing new ideas and implementing them in reality.
Here you differ from the second introverted Thinker type, the Analytical Thinker: You truly enjoy implementing your concepts and you enjoy the results. Therefore you should look for a work environment where you can accompany and expedite your ideas through to their conclusion. You consider difficult situations as challenges that really try your creativity and you frequently surprise people around you with genuinely incredibly bright ideas, rendering others speechless with their excellence. Your world consists of statistics, legitimacy, and systematics.
Considering all of this, your Thinker type is very praxis-oriented, and by no means lives on an intellectual ivory tower. You are not interested in theories not related to reality. As in chess, you are excellent at predicting the consequences of your methods in advance, and then choosing the appropriate alternative. Once you have made your decision on how to deal with a situation, you are totally willing to use your elbows and you don’t necessarily show any consideration for others. With that, you occasionally encounter resistance from other, less task-oriented colleagues that you quickly brush aside.
You resent routine jobs or monotonic order of events. You believe that they smother your creativity. If necessary, your determination and unusual ambition will convince you to acquiesce to the inevitable. Nevertheless, when choosing your profession, you should be mindful that your working environment is going to provide you with something new to learn and that your tasks are as varied as possible. Your strength lies in solving novel problems and not working on details. Nor should your curiosity ever be satisfied; just as fresh information is as important to you as the air you breathe, so is the feeling that you continuously expand and increase your competencies. An activity where you do the same thing in the same department with the same colleagues for 20 years is the worst fate that can possibly happen to a hungry mind.
Independent Thinker: Love
For your partner, you are truly a hard nut to crack, and one has to give someone who goes through life as independent as you darn good reasons for a relationship before he/she deigns to at least consider it. You very slowly and judiciously develop trust and closeness to other people; whoever wants to win you needs a tremendous amount of patience and staying power.
Even once you begin to warm up to someone, one does not sense that for the longest time as you are uncomfortable and reluctant to display your feelings because you are not used to it. The cool, distanced, and somewhat arrogant vibes of all Thinkers are a little more pronounced with you and already sufficiently discourage many potential partners as they get frustrated and give up during the advanced phases of flirting - a shame because inside, you are not as indifferent and emotionless as you some- times appear, and sometimes your reserve simply hides your disappointment at the blindness and superficiality of the people around you.
Nevertheless, it is always a good idea for you to choose a partner very carefully and not blindly jump into an affair, because your demands are very high. You have a clear image of the “perfect relationship” and are not willing to deviate from that by even one millimeter to the right or the left. A sharp intellect that is equal to yours is the most important quality your partner must bring along. You need somebody in your life who inspires, stimulates, and always challenges you and with whom you can maintain an intensive intellectual companionship. Nothing will impress you more than competence, knowledge, and the willingness to learn because those are the traits that are truly important to you in your life. You are never really satisfied with your accomplishments, and always discover something about yourself that needs your improvement, where something new can be learned, and where you are not yet good enough.
http://www.ipersonic.com/test.html
As an Independent Thinker, you are one of the introverted personality types. That is one of the reasons you prefer to work alone. This does not mean that you cannot be successful in a team, as well. For you, the task is most important and people who are involved come second. The contact with others, the necessity to adjust yourself to their daily changing sensitivities - all of it is just more gratuitous emotion that keep you from totally devoting yourself to those things that truly interest you: analyzing systems and policies, researching potentials for change, developing new ideas and implementing them in reality.
Here you differ from the second introverted Thinker type, the Analytical Thinker: You truly enjoy implementing your concepts and you enjoy the results. Therefore you should look for a work environment where you can accompany and expedite your ideas through to their conclusion. You consider difficult situations as challenges that really try your creativity and you frequently surprise people around you with genuinely incredibly bright ideas, rendering others speechless with their excellence. Your world consists of statistics, legitimacy, and systematics.
Considering all of this, your Thinker type is very praxis-oriented, and by no means lives on an intellectual ivory tower. You are not interested in theories not related to reality. As in chess, you are excellent at predicting the consequences of your methods in advance, and then choosing the appropriate alternative. Once you have made your decision on how to deal with a situation, you are totally willing to use your elbows and you don’t necessarily show any consideration for others. With that, you occasionally encounter resistance from other, less task-oriented colleagues that you quickly brush aside.
You resent routine jobs or monotonic order of events. You believe that they smother your creativity. If necessary, your determination and unusual ambition will convince you to acquiesce to the inevitable. Nevertheless, when choosing your profession, you should be mindful that your working environment is going to provide you with something new to learn and that your tasks are as varied as possible. Your strength lies in solving novel problems and not working on details. Nor should your curiosity ever be satisfied; just as fresh information is as important to you as the air you breathe, so is the feeling that you continuously expand and increase your competencies. An activity where you do the same thing in the same department with the same colleagues for 20 years is the worst fate that can possibly happen to a hungry mind.
Independent Thinker: Love
For your partner, you are truly a hard nut to crack, and one has to give someone who goes through life as independent as you darn good reasons for a relationship before he/she deigns to at least consider it. You very slowly and judiciously develop trust and closeness to other people; whoever wants to win you needs a tremendous amount of patience and staying power.
Even once you begin to warm up to someone, one does not sense that for the longest time as you are uncomfortable and reluctant to display your feelings because you are not used to it. The cool, distanced, and somewhat arrogant vibes of all Thinkers are a little more pronounced with you and already sufficiently discourage many potential partners as they get frustrated and give up during the advanced phases of flirting - a shame because inside, you are not as indifferent and emotionless as you some- times appear, and sometimes your reserve simply hides your disappointment at the blindness and superficiality of the people around you.
Nevertheless, it is always a good idea for you to choose a partner very carefully and not blindly jump into an affair, because your demands are very high. You have a clear image of the “perfect relationship” and are not willing to deviate from that by even one millimeter to the right or the left. A sharp intellect that is equal to yours is the most important quality your partner must bring along. You need somebody in your life who inspires, stimulates, and always challenges you and with whom you can maintain an intensive intellectual companionship. Nothing will impress you more than competence, knowledge, and the willingness to learn because those are the traits that are truly important to you in your life. You are never really satisfied with your accomplishments, and always discover something about yourself that needs your improvement, where something new can be learned, and where you are not yet good enough.
http://www.ipersonic.com/test.html
Monday, November 09, 2009
Went for "Ask Stupid Question: Innovation without Inhibition" workshop at CDAC HQ yesterday.
It's been quite some time since I went back to HQ, and since it was a sunday, the whole place was empty. Oh well, I guess we have to find some other time if we were to catch Valerie at work.
Anyway the workshop was interesting, but the concept of asking stupid questions as a way to generate ideas itself was the most fascinating. Similar to most workshops I attended, most activities were in the form of experiential learning (meaning learning through play).
Unfortunately the method is a trademark of the NLB, so I can't really post them up here. But you can always meet me and discuss ways to generate ideas for future research =)
It's been quite some time since I went back to HQ, and since it was a sunday, the whole place was empty. Oh well, I guess we have to find some other time if we were to catch Valerie at work.
Anyway the workshop was interesting, but the concept of asking stupid questions as a way to generate ideas itself was the most fascinating. Similar to most workshops I attended, most activities were in the form of experiential learning (meaning learning through play).
Unfortunately the method is a trademark of the NLB, so I can't really post them up here. But you can always meet me and discuss ways to generate ideas for future research =)
Saturday, November 07, 2009
Today's the last session for Project Excellence this year.
Tried out moderating a debate for the first time. The motion of the day was "Using computers affect your studies positively" and the P4s had to come up with their own points and try to argue in a coherent manner.
It was quite impressive that they were able to present well despite it being their first attempt. Debates are usually for secondary school level, so considering their young age, it was really good =)
And with that concludes the end of the 2009 programme.
Tried out moderating a debate for the first time. The motion of the day was "Using computers affect your studies positively" and the P4s had to come up with their own points and try to argue in a coherent manner.
It was quite impressive that they were able to present well despite it being their first attempt. Debates are usually for secondary school level, so considering their young age, it was really good =)
And with that concludes the end of the 2009 programme.
Friday, November 06, 2009
I'm so demoralised now that I feel like FFG-ing already.
Maybe I'm just not cut out to do research and I should just settle for second best. But right now I don't have a plan B in sight. All this while, I only had 1 goal in my uni life. To get into Honors so that I can do my masters next time.
Now I have this almost insurmountable obstacle right in front. And I don't have the confidence to cross over it. My self-efficacy has never been this low.
This is one failure too many.
Maybe I'm just not cut out to do research and I should just settle for second best. But right now I don't have a plan B in sight. All this while, I only had 1 goal in my uni life. To get into Honors so that I can do my masters next time.
Now I have this almost insurmountable obstacle right in front. And I don't have the confidence to cross over it. My self-efficacy has never been this low.
This is one failure too many.
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
Somehow I can't resist the temptation of not blogging. Even when I got nothing much to post up as well.
The only thing interesting so far was the first MR Halloween Celebration. A truly new experience for all the mixedrice members, after none of us had actually attended such an event before. My costume was supposedly a serial killer (check out my facebook dp to see how I look), but I'm more impressed with xia's attire. Just wow-ed me in her chinese ghost look.
Anyway the heavy rain did not deter us from parading ourselves, and even the taxi driver got so afraid of picking us up to go to Settler's Cafe at SMU. Anyway we went for a long parade from SMU to cinelesiure to catch our midnight movie after that.
I was sweating like crazy under the raincoat that I doubt I will wear it again for the next few weeks. But I had my fair share of fun waving at people on the streets.
What a night to remember. Now its back to studying all the way till December.
The only thing interesting so far was the first MR Halloween Celebration. A truly new experience for all the mixedrice members, after none of us had actually attended such an event before. My costume was supposedly a serial killer (check out my facebook dp to see how I look), but I'm more impressed with xia's attire. Just wow-ed me in her chinese ghost look.
Anyway the heavy rain did not deter us from parading ourselves, and even the taxi driver got so afraid of picking us up to go to Settler's Cafe at SMU. Anyway we went for a long parade from SMU to cinelesiure to catch our midnight movie after that.
I was sweating like crazy under the raincoat that I doubt I will wear it again for the next few weeks. But I had my fair share of fun waving at people on the streets.
What a night to remember. Now its back to studying all the way till December.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Today's Project Excellence session was one of the best so far.
Perhaps it was due to the presence of an external audience (the cameraman who is doing the filming), the kids were extremely well-behaved throughout the session. This is quite miraculous, considering that these kids are usually noisy at times. Or was it the presence of Mr Tan? A possible confound.
This is such an interesting phenomenon. I remembered reading from somewhere that when an individual is under scrutiny by a camera, he/she will display a nontypical positive behaviour. Apparently this applies to kids as well.
But anyway, the activities were the same as previous week. A game of Headcount, followed by Poker Cards Mental Sum and finally a heuristic activity called "Act It Out". The kids were exposed to this special way of solving maths problems which I felt was very effective. We had an outdoor session of "Inventing Games" before the session ended.
It's 2 more session then we are done for the year. I can't imagine we are 1 year old faciliators now (or 2 year volunteers). Like what jeffrey says, we are going to hit the "3 year itch" pretty soon. haha
And Simon told us news that the programme is expanding, so next year is going to be a tough one. But like the rest of the volunteers, I believe we will be ready for this new challenge =)
Perhaps it was due to the presence of an external audience (the cameraman who is doing the filming), the kids were extremely well-behaved throughout the session. This is quite miraculous, considering that these kids are usually noisy at times. Or was it the presence of Mr Tan? A possible confound.
This is such an interesting phenomenon. I remembered reading from somewhere that when an individual is under scrutiny by a camera, he/she will display a nontypical positive behaviour. Apparently this applies to kids as well.
But anyway, the activities were the same as previous week. A game of Headcount, followed by Poker Cards Mental Sum and finally a heuristic activity called "Act It Out". The kids were exposed to this special way of solving maths problems which I felt was very effective. We had an outdoor session of "Inventing Games" before the session ended.
It's 2 more session then we are done for the year. I can't imagine we are 1 year old faciliators now (or 2 year volunteers). Like what jeffrey says, we are going to hit the "3 year itch" pretty soon. haha
And Simon told us news that the programme is expanding, so next year is going to be a tough one. But like the rest of the volunteers, I believe we will be ready for this new challenge =)
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Every semester there will be a point in time when I start questioning why I decided to torture myself by taking psychology. There is so many readings to do every week, numerous essays to submit, and super difficult mid-terms and final examinations (which never fails to cause my low self-esteem to drop further).
And somehow that period will pass and I will begin to like psychology again.
Unfortunately, its that time of the semester again =(
And somehow that period will pass and I will begin to like psychology again.
Unfortunately, its that time of the semester again =(
Saturday, October 17, 2009
"Life often surprises you when you least expect it. Of course whether it's pleasant or not depend very well on your own perspective" (CP, 2009)
In life, there are so many things that are beyond anyone's control. What happens when expectations don't meet reality? One can either change their expectations to reflect reality, or continue treating reality as a nightmare that one will wake up from eventually.
As much as I like to dream about that wonderful future, sometimes its better to be realistic. Expectations usually yield disappointments. And I don't want to feel that often in life.
My life is too short for sad things.
In life, there are so many things that are beyond anyone's control. What happens when expectations don't meet reality? One can either change their expectations to reflect reality, or continue treating reality as a nightmare that one will wake up from eventually.
As much as I like to dream about that wonderful future, sometimes its better to be realistic. Expectations usually yield disappointments. And I don't want to feel that often in life.
My life is too short for sad things.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
I decided to post up the activities that the volunteers have done for Project Excellence, in case we forgot about them next time in our lives.
On Saturday, we were supposed to have a filming session for publicity during the cdac award ceremony but the filming crew didn't appear. So end up some of the activities got postponed to another session.
Anyway, we started off with a game of Headcount, a DS game that shows people walking in, walking out of a house and we have to guess the final numbers of people in the house at the end. This is an interesting game that demonstrates the need for accuracy and concentration given time pressure.
The next game we played uses poker cards. Each kid got a stack of cards and they are supposed to open them up and either multiply, add or subtract the numbers and tell us the answer in the shortest time.
After that, the kids got a chance to go out and they were given the task of inventing a game for the other kids to play using the allocated equipment. These includes 1 blindfold, 1 inflatable ball and 6 hula-hoops.
Enjoyed this session tremendously =)
On Saturday, we were supposed to have a filming session for publicity during the cdac award ceremony but the filming crew didn't appear. So end up some of the activities got postponed to another session.
Anyway, we started off with a game of Headcount, a DS game that shows people walking in, walking out of a house and we have to guess the final numbers of people in the house at the end. This is an interesting game that demonstrates the need for accuracy and concentration given time pressure.
The next game we played uses poker cards. Each kid got a stack of cards and they are supposed to open them up and either multiply, add or subtract the numbers and tell us the answer in the shortest time.
After that, the kids got a chance to go out and they were given the task of inventing a game for the other kids to play using the allocated equipment. These includes 1 blindfold, 1 inflatable ball and 6 hula-hoops.
Enjoyed this session tremendously =)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)