Life can be scary sometimes. Especially the point when things that you thought matter most suddenly get dampened and forgotten over time. To me, that is the most fearful aspect. 

The struggles and success previously so deeply etched in my mind can become so insignificant all of a sudden. Like how one used to have to eat bread for an entire month because the family is poor, the failure to get into science stream in secondary school, the journey to learn a new subject in JC, the feeling of stepping on stage to receive an award, the aftertaste of losing a major competition or even the sense of achievement in completing a thesis, these memories become foreign and faraway at the blink of an eye.

Time is running too fast. Even as the monotony of working life sets in.

For Love

For                                 love,

   we are                            willing to steal,
we dare to lie to                      our other halves,

we can imagine things               with greater extremity.

we can also kill, and hatred grows stronger the same time.

But for love, we can also do our best to sing in the rain,

we can persevere even when the world is against us,

we learn to see things beyond our points of view.

We accepted even the most difficult of flaws,

understood that one can give more than take.

Love is, most contradictory in discourse,

also the most complex of languages,

the most courageous of all acts,

most magnificent on Earth,

and the most essential
in defining us 

human.

(CP, 14.02.2012)

To my readers, Happy Valentine's day to you =)

2011 is the year when the blogging activity was at its lowest. It seems to me that the passion for blogging is dying a slow death. In introspect, I could sense some change in myself.

In the past, I was an idealist. I always had this firm belief that the world could be a better place and that it wasn't so bad after all. I still perceive this as true. But it seemed that I am much more realistic now. There are indeed many things that lies outside my control and intellect. 

Life was all about studying for the good grades in the past. Education was a tool to break out of the current circumstances to a better future. That belief spurred me. I worked hard, but there will always someone else even better. So when will this constant pursuit for higher education end?

Perhaps the most shocking truth I have realized this year was that after all these years of studying, I couldn't get a job. I was fortunate to find one ultimately, but this journey was mentally exhausting. This was not because I had to spend a lot of time thinking of how to write my resumes, prepare for interviews etc, but rather the cognitive dissonance that education is the key to a secure job. That was hard to resolve.

In the previous posts, I wrote that I found a job based on my experiences in my CCA rather than the course itself. That was a strike to the core. Perhaps reality had finally struck. Without good grades, its not easy to land a job you like. It's not the fault of anyone or society. There are too many people competing for the same coveted position, so there must be someway of selection. It so appears that qualifications is one such key. But what about all those less academically-inclined? Are they less worthy of such opportunities too?

This is not a sign of pessimism. I still have confidence in my own abilities but I am more grounded in reality now. But I am concerned for the many facing such problems out there. Yet, I don't have the power to do much (or do I?). 

With this realization, I have grown a little more this year. It's a part of self-discovery that I am grateful for.

Happy 2012. 

My internet & phone line was down for the entire month of Nov and Dec, hence the lack of posts.

During this month, I realized that working in an organization where information access is restricted is no easy task. The inconvenience it brings can be unbearable at times. Yet, it is important to have this control because in this new age, Information is King. Whoever owns the flow of information gains the power to decide the fates of people, policies and the turn of events.

One minor lapse and the consequences may be unimaginable, especially with the proliferation of the social media. I am deeply awed and yet fearful by this new future we are heading to.

Sometimes you watch the online news and see articles like this, it is heart wrenching to see how the society has changed so much within such a short period of time. Another bystander effect re-enacted in real-life. Perhaps everyone needs to study this aspect of social psychology.

An ugly yet disturbingly real reflection of the human nature.

Finally after 5 years of procrastination, it's time to get serious in driving. Wish me luck =)

With the economy in bad shape for the past few weeks, all of my holdings were in the red even though it was a defensive portfolio.

On reflection, I have to admit that it might be a mistake to enter the market now. I had assumed that an overweight in bonds (80% bonds and 20% equities) would be a good decision but things are not going as what I envisioned. With every decision I make, I gained a new understanding on the financial markets, and they continue to intrigue me each time.

It's time for me to prepare myself psychological for this, otherwise it might be more sleepless nights for the next few months. It's going to be a rough ride.

Recently another of my relative ended up in a hospital again. She was detected with a tumor in her ovary and had to undergo an operation. The previous time another aunt of mine was hospitalized due to overwork. She had suffered a stroke at just the age of 40+.

This recent spate of events prompted me to start thinking of my parents' future. They had worked very hard to bring us up. I'll honestly admit that they had spent almost everything on us and had little savings left. This is barely sufficient to prepare for any emergency at home. Based on consultations with financial planners, this should be a sum of around 3-6 months of the salary.

I also found out that they didn't have any insurance coverage at all, nor even funds for retirement. I worry for them because the hospital bills can be quite taxing. While I pray that they may continue to be in good health, it is necessary to do some precautionary measures.

As the eldest in the family, this heavy responsibility rests on my shoulders from now on. Fortunately for us, I have 3 more siblings to help out. It's going to be a long road down.

It's been some time since the last post.

I have finally managed to get a job (at long last). While it may not be a perfect fit, I guess the nature of the job scope interests me nevertheless. Unfortunately as DXO, there are still many restrictions on what you can say.

What surprises me the most is that I was selected for this job because of my prior experiences in Second Life, rather than on the basis of my psychology degree. It's funny how a cca managed to secure me a job but not my academic course. Yet, it also serves as a reminder that there is some value in everything we experience.

Who would have thought that my project management skills in computer simulation would land me a IT position in mindef? Or that the calligraphy course Steve Job did in college would go on to create more things.

There are still many things out there that can be learned. It takes a curious mind to dig them out. Stay observant.

It has been a long time since I had the "Eureka!" feeling and it appeared a few nights ago in my dreams.

As some of you may know, writing is a passion of mine and I have always been sourcing for ideas for a full-fledged book. If you ask me for a list of ideas, there's probably around 20-30, but there wasn't something suitable for me to carry it out.

I admit I am no trained writer. I don't know much about literary form and techniques. What I do have are just pure ideas, many in draft forms. Many of these are in different stages. I have started certain chapters for some, others still in point form.

And now I have found something that can be carry out with fervor. I shall work on my quarter-life autobiography. Whether it is published eventually is a different matter, but I'm getting excited.

Another crazy idea of mine. But who's to say that life cannot be crazy? =)

Recently, I applied for a position in an organization specializing in soft-skills education but was rejected once again. By the strangest coincidence, I got to know the director and she invited me to attend a workshop.

With too much time on hand, I decided to attend the financial workshop and was exposed to a new board game called "Smart Money". It's actually an adapted version of Cashflow 101 by Robert Kiyosaki. For those people who don't know who he is, he is the author of the book "Rich Dad Poor Dad".

In this board game, your objective is to find ways to retire from full-time work. This is done so by trying to increase the source of passive income such that it exceeds your active income (your job). It was my first time playing, and I picked the role of a medical specialist with a monthly salary of $15,000.

I started off being the highest paid individual in the game, but at the end I couldn't manage to retire within the 3 hours. My net worth was only worth $520,000. Yet, the other people I played with managed to retire earlier though they started with a lower starting salary. For instance, the engineer started with $3,000 monthly pay but rose to $1.2million net worth at the end.

This game taught me a lot on developing your own financial strategies to achieve your goal. If anyone is interested I can tell you more in person next time.

Sometimes it is good to open your mind to the other opportunities around.

We are at the crossroads of our lives and there are many paths I can choose. Previously I had this "insistence" to find a job that matches my expectations and ideals. I had a clear direction, to find a organizational-psychology related job, work for a few years to gain some experience and go for further studies in 3-5 years time. I had envisioned that I would have started work by July, cleared my debts in 2 years so that I can save enough for a Masters.

Unfortunately none of this came true at the moment. But I came upon a realization. Why did I think that things will go this way? No one said that I had to do a IO job, or have to go for a Masters. Strangely, I was the one who designed the system of thought that I have entrapped myself in. I was like Daedalus who designed the maze to keep Minotaur in Crete. The only difference was that he had a backup plan to escape but I didn't.

Why can't I be an entrepreneur, a salesman or a technician? I had given up such options myself, thinking that I can't do it; its too risky or not temperamentally suited for an extrovert job.

If I do not have the necessary skills to succeed, I can learn them. If I do not have the experience, I can start from scratch. If I do not have the capital, I can look for them.

Suddenly the limits to opportunities exists only in my mind. And I'm determined to break out of it.

Strawberry Generation

I am

a child of the 80s.

But I also go by different names,

Generation Y, Post-independence babies,

Internet-savvy kids, Strawberry Generation.

I know we have been in a glass cover all our lives.

I am deeply grateful for everything that has been done for us.

But is it an accurate assumption to say that we are a weak bunch?

Our forefathers have done a great job securing a good future for us.

We have a quality education, a good home and safe environment.

We need not experience the tough life our parents endured under the sun.

That is the irony of progress. We can have what we want too easily.

In the end, we may forget the fighting spirit of our ancestors.

But I'm not sure whether we have indeed lost that drive.

Our generation is a different bunch.

We go through life in a different world.

Expectations are different now.

Strawberries plants are not

as resilient as Durians.

But that does not

mean that

we cannot

survive on

our own.

Trust us.

Your blood

lives in us.

We are your sons and daughters.

(CP, 12.08.2011)

Life's getting tougher with each passing day. As much as we want and try to control the things around us, it is not an easy feat.

To keep the spirits up, I want share a quote that had been close to my heart. I can't remember the actual quote but its something similar.

天降大任于斯人也，必先苦其心志，劳其筋骨，饿其体肤，空乏其身，行指乱其所为，所以动心忍性，曾益其所不能。——《孟子》

The direct translation - Before any great task is given to an individual, that person has to go through mental hardships and endure physical pain in order to strengthen his resolve.

Things in life does not always go according to our wishes. Each one of us will face different sets of obstacles along their way (poor grades, unemployment, divorcee etc). Of course, some people may be more lucky than others but there is no merits in envy. It only serves to make us more miserable.

Instead, it is good to focus our attention on the rest of the world. There are many examples of individuals who went against the odds to succeed. Some are in more difficult situations than us but they managed to did it.

What separates the winners from the rest is their strong resolve and determination. These qualities can only be trained through periods of stress. So if life is harsh now, take it as a challenge and face it head on. It will not be easy, but what doesn't kill you just makes you stronger. If we can't even beat the problem now, how will we be able to face even bigger problems in the future?

A storm is brewing, the strawberry plant has to survive the odds without its glass cover no matter what.

I just had a chat with a consultant for my personality test and it was an immensely insightful session. I will like to thank the person and the company for this service.

The test used was the Hogan Personality Inventory. I'm not sure the specifics behind the test construction procedure but it has been used by organizations to predict job performance. It's quite interesting to use it for career development and I learnt more about the kinds of jobs I should fit well into. If you are interested to know more can come look for me!

This free experience was a blessing in disguise. I had applied for a position in the company previously and had to do a series of psychometric tests as one of the entry requirements. While I didn't manage to get the job, I have gotten a chance to listen to my test reports. Yay!

Now I have a clearer picture what I want to achieve. But I still need to wait for someone to discover my talent.

I was rather depressed recently. Ever since the last interview 3 weeks ago, there wasn't any news at all from anyone. In fact, every morning I wake up and didn't even know what (or who) I was waiting for.

As the days passed, I started questioning the value of a psychology degree. Psychology-related jobs can be broadly classified into the 3 major fields - educational/developmental, clinical practice, IO in Singapore. There are other sub-fields that I will not list here.

Educational refers to those related school settings, such as student counselling, EP, allied educators, ABA therapists etc. Clinical are those involved in dealing with mental disorders, counselling or research. IO managed issues in the workplace, such as personality testing, recruitment, organizational change etc.

Despite the large area presented here, there are several problems. To start it off, a bachelor's degree does not give us sufficient qualification to engage in clinical practice/specialist positions. Except for special circumstances, most organizations will prefer to hire those with a Master's degree or some professional certification.

A second issue is that the bachelor's degree is a generalized B.Soc.Sci degree (together with sociology, geography, CNM etc). Unlike some other universities overseas that offers specialized degrees like B.Sc in Organizational Psychology, this degree only covers the basics of each field as characterized in a liberal arts course. Hence when comparing with a HR degree, it becomes less attractive (or that is the most common question I was asked when I applied for those positions).

Not many can see the benefits a training in psychology. The most important thing we learn is the writing skills and approach to information processing. A bulk of our time in spent honing our skills to consolidate different sources of knowledge into a coherent piece of work, which other degrees (eg. engineering) played less attention to.

Another strength lies in the emphasis on research methodology. We spent a lot of time designing questionnaires, experiments to tests our hypotheses and findings. We are trained in statistical analyses as well.

Psychology is essentially a study on human behaviors and we have the ample knowledge on the theory (why some people are more likely to be leaders than others) as well as the inter-personal experience (working with group members in projects to investigate group dynamics).

Ultimately I did not regret choosing psychology as a major. But when reality strikes, I am kinda affected nevertheless. It's either there is a problem with me, my degree, or employers still prefer the traditional business degrees. Otherwise I must be a damn unlucky fellow.

I need some miracles. I need a call.

A Tribute to the Railway Station

You have stood the test of time,

watching the young nation begin its first baby steps,

till where it is today.

As a proud parent,

you have witnessed the joys and sadness,

and relived every moment in our lives.

This is the strong emotional ties binds us together,

across race, language and religion,

as well as the old and the young.

With your unwavering presence,

we have all grown up now,

and ready to begin another new chapter in our lives.

But I am in a dilemma mother.

I love you for who you are,

but there is someone better now,

Progress is my new boyfriend.

I have to be forward thinking,

and I hope you can give in,

because it concerns my future happiness after all.

Pragmatism they say,

that there is not enough space to live,

let alone room for nostalgia.

You will always be in my heart no matter what,

But mother, your time is up,

and I have arranged for another spot for you to spend your remaining years.

I understand how you feel (You are not me, how will you know?)

The new home has brand new facilities (How can I adapt?)

I will visit you often (What's the point after you have taken everything away?)

(My son, don't you understand?)

(How will you remember me if all I have left are just the old memories?)

(Like ties that binds, some tracks once broken, can never be regained.)

(CP, 21.07.2011)

On Commencement

It's official. I have graduated.

To me, it signifies not just the end of an university education, but the closure of my life as a student. Other than the intermittent 2 years in national service, I spent the majority of my life in school (from kindergarten to university) and it has been a major contributor to who I am today.

I used to hold very simplistic view of education when I was young, thinking that the sole purpose of it was to ensure that I could get a decent job in the future. It could have been shaped by my parent's expectations unconsciously, since I am probably the first graduate in the family.

In the past, I worked hard to meet my parents expectations, just like how a kid will work hard for a good reward, I did it for attention when my parents were too busy working. Life was difficult for my parents, since they had to take care of many children and didn't really had the opportunity to study in the past. But things still have to carry on no matter what.

I briefly remembered how depressed I was when I first failed to achieved what I wanted (to get into the triple science stream). It was a hard struggle, because I have realized that not everything goes according to pure effort.

It has been my dream to be a scientist (kids almost have the same dreams) so when that particular door closed I was particularly sad. But new doors opened for me and I worked hard to re-chart my course (by going to JC). I thought it would give me another opportunity to decide my future aspirations.

And that was when I realize the value of education. I have to thank my literature teacher in PJ, Mr Eddie Koh (strangely I have an affinity with the name "eddie") for this. It was the first time I took up literature after secondary 2 and it was vastly different from then. I was amazed by what literature had to offer - a new perspective in seeing and I voraciously seek out new knowledge.

By the time I reached NUS, I was empowered with a new vision of education. The very act of pursuing new knowledge captivated me. Being a pragmatic person, I was still interested in getting good grades, but I started deriving more satisfaction from the process.

In this case, I particularly have to highlight Dr Eddie Tong for the inspiration. I understood that the process of knowledge creation requires the hard work of many and appreciated it. Education is more than just having a paper qualification. It has become a lifestyle for me.

Now that my time as a student is over, it is my turn to be an active contributor of education. I am committed to applying the skills I have learnt into the work I will do professionally in the future. "While I live, I learn" was the motto in JC and remained apt even till now.

It has been a great 4 years and I'm deeply grateful for the opportunity to learn.

Since I'm still unemployed, I have been harbouring thoughts of going into graduate school.

But does anyone knows whether I can still apply for grad research with a 2nd lower?

Almost two months have passed since the last paper ended. It's kinda hard not to feel bitter or sad after so many rejections. Especially after going through several rounds of interviews and doing all sorts of psychometric tests, only to be told the eventuality in a cold email.

This is a real baptism of fire before going into the real-world. As much as I try to convince myself that this setback is just one minor obstacle in the grand scheme of things, I am disappointed nevertheless. It's not that I don't work hard at all or didn't actively seek out opportunities. But sometimes things don't always go as well as expected, and I have learnt much during this time.

The fresh graduates had held high hopes for change, thinking that its finally time to contribute to the world with his new-found knowledge, only to know that the world is larger than he thinks. It's time to manage my own expectations and adapt to the new environment.

The glass cover has been removed, and its time for the strawberry plant to face the harsh weather out there from now on.