French class ended on a disappointing note yesterday. To think that we cannot even finish our last class due of administrative problems is certainly pathetic. We paid good money for this and the school can't even provide a decent clerk to take charge at the office.

Time to look for a new place to learn my intermediate level.

There isn't even a proper certificate awarded to us for even completing this course. To think that it is such a hassle for them to just use a printer to print out a "Certificate of Participation". It's not even a Certificate of Achievement (which is more valuable).

I give up on this school. Maybe eprep works better than this.

It's been a long time since I posted something about the festive holidays and the things I did. I don't know why, but I always feel a sense of emptiness whenever the festive season arrives. It gets worse when I see people around me getting so hyped up over celebrations that happens every year. I can't see anything special from all this.

I guess I'm quite vulnerable to depression attacks. Been pondering why my mood changes to frequently and drastically these days. There isn't a logical reason for my recent behaviour. Even the fortune-teller (who said I'll have good luck this year) identified that I'm disturbed by many matters, but I cannot comprehend what I'm feeling vexed over.

Like what Mr. Quek used to say, "I'm troubled."

But what am I troubling myself over, I don't know it either.

Anyway, Happy Chinese New Year to all.

I should be making everyone around me happy, like what the old choonpeng used to do. Even if it's putting on a brave front.

Vivocity is indeed the new place to spot celebrities.

Though I'm not very into the idol chasing craze that is so rampant nowadays, the atmosphere at vivocity was one of hopes and anticipation. I was wondering why there was a red carpet from the cinema to the escalator today, and I realised that there was actually a movie premiere for Protege. Louis Koo and Daniel Wu were probably the biggest shots over there amidst the huge presence of local celebs.

What was more surprising was that I actually saw the two of them over at Bugis Junction 8 a few hours before. It was a shopping trip for new year clothes when we (me, weelun and penghui) saw the banner for Protege and the two of them on the stage. Never did I expect I would see them again at Vivocity after that.

hmm... why am I over-reacting over these idol crazes?

Does reading Dalai Lama's book mean I'm being detached from the rest of society?

I'm quite confused that people actually asked me to "come back to earth" just because of this Dalai Lama's book of wisdom that I bought today. I seriously think there's nothing wrong to read about diverse subjects. So what's wrong about reading?

I shall keep this aside for now.

The other book I bought with the book voucher was The Alchemist. This is probably the second book I'll save if my room catches a fire. Of course, the top priority being Tuesdays with Morrie. These are my most prized items. Like they say, " a good book is always worth keeping."

French lesson is coming to an end soon. I better treasure the remaining times with everyone in class. I don't know how many I'll be in contact with, but lets just hope for the best for everyone.

a bientot.

It's great to be ORDinary once again.

ORD lo.

I've learnt not to do things in the last minute. Luckily, most of the people I couldn't find the previous time (which was a long time ago) happened to be at the correct place at the correct time. And I managed to finish everything by the end of the day. Fortunate me.

If nothing turns out like what I expected today, I'll probably kill myself for not doing my clearance earlier. I cannot bear the painful thought of not getting my pink IC when everyone else got theirs back.

All I have to do now is wait.

Global warming: rise of 4.5 C if pollution doubles, says draft report

Modern technology owes ecology an apology. - Alan M. Eddison

The earth is already plagued with enough natural disasters. Erratic weather changes is causing so much stress on our lives, and more global warming is likely to worsen it. I cannot forsee how more carbon dioxide emissions is going make this planet more sustainable.

Imagine a different Earth our future generations will be seeing.

It's time for the environmentalists in our heart to change the world we are going to live in. Support Green Movement. So think again when you want to turn on the air-conditioning system. Though we can't reverse the damage done, the least we can do is to prevent and reduce further impact on our ecosystem.

Do your part for the world.

A long chat about philosophy with my brother proved to be a fruitful one. Sometimes the person you least expected is the one that actually teaches you the most, like what The Alchemist said about looking for omens that is strewn across life's journey. Now I have the plot for the short story that I'm going to immerse myself in for the next few months. As I have once said earlier, I'm going to write a book. But I came to a realisation it is too ambitious of me to do so. That's why I decided to start with short stories to hone my skills.

Hopefully this will be a success, unlike my previous attempt, where I was stuck at the ending. It's still collecting dust in my cupboard, waiting for the day when it can finally be completed...

Basically I'm blogging now because I have nothing to do. But then, I don't even know what to blog about. My brain is in a complete trance after another mind-boggling french session, which I feel isn't making much progress. Completely went bersek in class, so much so that I can't even focus and finish the simple exercise on the book. I don't know whether I can still manage this foreign language anymore. But I wouldn't give up.

I think I better go read up more books that can explain what I'm going through now. Time to get more Paulo Coelho books on my bookshelf.

Some article from the evening papers caught my attention today.

It seemed that 070707 (my 21st birthday) is actually a rare auspicious occassion in the chinese calendar. I don't know whether I should be happy, because it is supposedly a good day for marriage, which doesn't seem applicable here. But it is still an extraordinary phenomenon anyway.

Perhaps I should be glad that this special day of mine is also the very same day many couples will be joining their lives in holy matrimony . I ought to put in more effort in planning for this day then. Any suggestions from anyone?

I've been reading Paulo Coelho's books vicariously these days. The Alchemist inspired me to break out of the monotonous life that I have been leading all these years. I longed to do something different, and this book reaffirmed my passions and zeal for life.

I have decided. I shall write a book.

I think I have found some purpose in my existence.

I'm astounded by the things a drunken man can do.

It was supposed to be a chalet, but I guessed it turned out to be another drinking session with the army friends, -=sng=-, ter, jeremy, jj, forlan86 (dota names) and andy. It only took a bottle of Baileys, the "dreaded" Long Island, white wine, vodka and half a dozen of Heinken and Calsburg, and all hell broke loose.

Jeremy's the worst hit of among the lot, totally losing control over himself the entire night. His enthralling list of "accomplishment"probably made me want to quit drinking from now on.

I shall not list the things he did though. The videos will become another "blackmailing" treasure in my computer. Probably someone (not me) will put it in youtube soon?

I must say it was a night that will be deeply etched in our memories for the years to come. I'll never forget the things that happened.

That's all for now. In the meantime, I shall try to memorize some new names from my french class.

2007 is the year when everyone around me start to discuss how they are going to celebrate their 21st. I'm still kinda stuck at the stage where I don't even know whether I'll be motivated enough to set up a party for everyone.

Perhaps eddie's way of jumping down from a mountain top, sipping vodka and lighting a cigarette on his birthday appeals to me. I want to do something that I can remember for the rest of my life. Something that is full of energy and zeal. Parachute down from the sky?

Anyway, not much happenings since the new year came, basically looking all around for jobs while awaiting for ord. Shi leng's 21st is quite impressive though, with that wide variety of food and the extremely "big" house. Even though I ended up in the background with penghui (because we didn't know most of the people from swiss and nj), we were still quite satisfied with everything. Especially the chocolate-making machine. What a fascination.

Took quite a lot of photos (because I decided to do something dumb) and appeared like a ghost in every single photo taken. It was quite an experience though. Others must have been wondering what this weird guy is doing in all the pictures.

I must have been too bored these days.

That shall be all for now. A bientot.

I thought I could start the new year by doing something crazy like wearing back the old pj uniform and go back to school and laugh my head off at the new intakes.

But that didn't happen in the end.

Sometimes I wished I was the one being laughed at. At least it meant I was still a naive student, with studies being the only objective in life. If only...

Army's coming to an end soon. It's time for a new start. Back to school, here we go.

MY 2007 resolutions
Enjoy adulthood, save up lots of money, master french, treat everyone around me better than ever. lol.

Inspired by boon kian's way of looking back at 2006 and did my own.

Jan - The month of watching "Da Chang Jin" and
steamboats.

Feb - Back to school, visiting old friends and
learning sites. First encounter with mos.

Mar - Army lifestyle took over completely.

Apr - More "Superstar" responsibilities after being
promoted to Corporal. Zai Cai Fan crew was born.

May -Sudoku, Kingdom Hearts & Mr Palomar accompanied me through the days.

Jun - Opposing thoughts of Saving and Spending
throughout the world cup season.

July - A month of contemplation and non-political
ideology. I am Singaporean, so say we all.

Aug - Good old memories with good music from the Kss band.

Sept - Sensitive September for the emotionally
vulnerable me.

Oct - Haze and health preventive measures
encouraged more indoor activities.

Nov - Change in my life. Braces and Doulos
changed how i viewed myself, physically and mentally.

Dec - Depression came to an end with the arrival of
the new year. Bonne Annee!

Happy 2007.

First of all, Merry Xmas to everyone !

Didn't had the chance to immerse myself in the spirit of christmas eve because my dad & sis was sick, and spent the night counting down in front of the com at home. Apologies to penghui for not being able to keep up the yearly tradition of celebrating the arrival of christmas in town. No fear, there's still the new year countdown in the days ahead. Hopefully nothing goes wrong then.

Christmas is a special day for me to meet up again with the haven study group pals, friends that accompanied me during my jc years. Though not everyone was present, seeing old friends do bring back the precious memories. It was great to be at "madamoiselle jessie" place because it is like the haven we once had back in school. The place where we used to study hard for our 'A's, played soccer, ate vegetarian meals, talked about the prata man, visit forbidden areas in school, discussed about our lives and philosophy etc...

It's a refuge for us where we can get together and relax, without any boundaries and restrictions. It's a place we can truly be ourselves.

Lots of fun and laughter in the true spirit of celebration.

Merry Xmas once again and enjoy yourself these 12 days.

specially for xia, depression is only temporary. think positive and everyday will be like christmas. Merry xmas.

If only everyday was like yesterday...

Really missed meeting up with my sec sch pals, going places where I've never been too, trying out different experiences. Like what penghui said, " nothing beats having good friends". How true. Quite a pity we didn't have a chance to go bowling. But there will be a next time.

Special thanks to xia for helping me choose the xmas present. I owe you one. It's quite a suitable gift for mildred. Anyway, I'm still trying to find combinations with the lego set I got yesterday. Creativity rules.

Trying to catch some sleep for now. After mambo at zouk for gerald's birthday (first experience with "long island tea"), I almost fell into the sleep trap during the changi anniversary. Anyway, we went play Lan with the most popular merah game (for now), Company of Heros is indeed addictive. Met up with za cai fan crew for bowling but scrapped the event in the end. Sentosa probably the next time round?

Or Mahjong? Lol.

New braces colour for today. A new xmas theme comes with the typical red and green. Even the dentist said it's the most popular colour for now. Next in line shall be red and orange.

Time for some afternoon nap for now. It's French time later with eddie and andy.

au revoir.

I've sorted out my thinking.

There is really no point making my own life miserable, feeling so depressed over such army-related stuff. So what If I'm being recalled almost every mount, getting my leave and off eaten up, having to face so many people I don't wish to face? After all the end is nearing soon.

I shouldn't be looking back at how my life had been like in the past. Instead, I ought to be looking forward to the new phase of my life, and starting preparing for this change. It's time I find something constructive to learn these few months while awaiting for the day I can truly regain my freedom.

A new me shall be re-born soon.

I'm losing interest in life.

Recent events reassured the fact that I'm dying a metaphorical death, I can't feel what it is like to feel again. It's almost as though there is this huge wall in front of me, I cannot see what is on the other side.

Even anticipation is torture.

I'm stuck as to how to convey this upwelling of emotions inside, blogging doesn't seem to help to curb this whirlpool of thoughts and emotions. Or should I say, it's not even thoughts or feelings, I can't pinpoint what it is... I'm entrapped within my own hell.

All the usual activities I do can no longer make me feel anything. Neopets, books, fm or even tv can help evoke any enthusiasm or even the attitude to look forward to life. I feel like staying at home and sleep all day long.

I can't keep up with the fake front anymore.

Life sucks to the core.




-in the state of depression, please do not disturb-

I am the weakest link among those who stayed behind at Josh's house yesterday, who ended up sleeping first while the rest carried on with their drinking game.

Headed down to Brewerkz yesterday for the first merah outing outside of camp. This place has quite a good ambience with quite a large collection of alcohol (the first time I saw such a wide variety). It was an interesting experience seeing how each other tried to make spec drink as much as possible.

Josh's room is like a dreamhouse. It's almost like seeing the kind of cosmopolitian decor you see on tv in real life. His collection of alcohol is even more shocking, much more than the big tv, the xbox 360, the stylish speakers, the electric guitar... Made me want to work hard and have a house like his.

My alcohol tolerance sucks. Knocked out quite early and missed all the fun. Now I'm covered with rashes.

Just like spec always say, " this is so off-form lo!"

Type 7 - Enthusiast, Optimist, Dreamer, Idealist, Visionary

Type 7 has great power of imagination and a positive attitude. This person is lively, creative, charming, enthusing, convincing, adventurous, self assured and good at networking. He can get well with most people and has broad interests.

His attention is directed more towards positive future possibilities than to the here and now. Those possibilities do not have to be realised; thinking about them is often sufficient enough. Execution means making choices, and is therefore limiting. New ideas and concepts are attractive. Possibilities are more interesting than actual work.

Painful incidents are repudiated; problems reasoned away. Type 7 can react to feedback with excuses and avoidance, but also with assurances that all will be well in the future, without him having any idea how he is going to achieve it.

Basic motivation is avoiding fear and pain by imagining and seeking pleasant possibilities. Attention goes automatically to what is positive, and interesting possibilities for the future. Experiences are more important than results....blah blah blah...

Adapted from Enneagram at Work - Hannah Nathans