Taking a break from work and camp.

Been having difficulties adapting to my new working environment in camp, be it changes in our PC, our new shift, our "familiar yet distanced" spec, our new mates from sembawang. Everything is back to being square one, and I can't accept this foreign intrusion.

Gone are the days back in camp. I never doubted that this day will arrive eventually, that someday everything and everyone will return back to where they came from and I'll have to start all over agin. But I didn't expect it to end like this.

Probably going to serve the remaining days without any anticipation of the future, like a body without a soul. Unless there can be something that I can look forward to.

Wouldn't be back to camp until next tue, so I'm looking around for activities to do these days, so I'll be extremely free till then.

Spent a few days at my grandma's house, with the usual programmes like playing mahjong with my six-year old niece, watching pokemon vcds (pardon this childishness, I can't find anything else), reading the entire series of Death-note comics (in preparation for the upcoming movie) as well as going swimming.

People often complained that I think too much, which I guess it's a cancerian trait. Somehow I can't remember a time when my mind is completely empty. That is what I'm setting out to achieve. I have to convince myself umpteen times that there is no point thinking too much, sometimes its better to just go with the flow.

This shall be my target for now.

To keep my mind calm and open. (perhaps it can cure this insomanic in me)

Been a long time since I wrote such a lengthy post. keep the inspirations flowing in. For now, I'll be off reading Freud's Interpretation of Dreams. Hopefully I can be happily asleep and dream a fantastic dream...

Mutiny - refusal to obey orders and/or a violent attempt to take control from people in authority, esp. in a military situation or on a ship.


oh... so this is what it means...

I must find something to do.

I can't possibly stay at home everytime I dismount. It's almost like wasting precious moments of my life. Other than usual routine (sleep, watch tv, sleep, play neopets, sleep, watch one piece anime, sleep, next day, go library, sleep, watch tv, sleep) , I have to find something meaningful to fill my empty life with. I cannot allow such things to taint my not-so-vibrant lifestyle.

Blame it on my social circle then. Everyone has their own social circle, where's mine?

I know I don't know how to make friends (for god sake, yes), which eventually made me a loner. I long for companionship, but I'm forever pessimisitic about making the first step.
When will I ever be able to amass the courage I need?
Will this term "self-confidence" elude me once again?

Inferiority Complex. when will you get out of my life?

It's teacher's day tomorrow.

How I wished I was back to being a student.

There is so much things I missed when I left...

studying hard for my As,
acting as ah beng in PLENS,
playing soccer at the rooftop,
revisiting many pioneer's open house,
literary contemplations at the cemetery,
sightseeing during Prem's chiang mai trip,
daydreaming during mr osman's geo lectures,
playing ghosts at art's society Haunted House,
the "so gothic" remedial sessions with mr koh,
paying attention to mr yeo's "complicated" jokes,
hearing mr kwek's famous "School, I'm troubled" craze,
making friendship with people of my Haven study group,
listening to mr barry singing during all the school activities,
reliving another life at kampong Buangkok...

so many memories, with new ones created everyday.
when will I ever get back to the life before ?
when will I ever get out of NS ?
when will I ever ord ?
when ?

No choice but to admit that I'm a very fainthearted person. 2 years of gothic class didn't really managed to convince myself that there is nothing to be afraid of. Most films are set to induced shock factors to instil a pre-notion of psychological fear for the supernatural. As a literature student with some experience in gothic sets and practices, I ought to have more courage in watching scary movies.

But that didn't help a lot when I watched a late night movie "ghost game" after supporting the band at the ngee ann city performance.

Anyway, the performance was quite good with quite a wide repertoire of pop songs as well as competition pieces. This is probably their third public performance for the year, and more coming soon. Saw many familiar faces there, ex-students, teachers, and also ex- members of the symphonic band (most from my batch). As an alumni, I will be present there, of course.

After the performance, we (me, yenting, eunice, yuanzhen and zhimin) felt that it was too early to go home, so ended up watching ghost game at cine. Yenting came back for her holidays before her summer school at Monash University (unfamiliar term) starts, so we were quite fortunate to see her around. Eunice is studying in NUS too (same uni). It's always good to have a lot of classmates in the same cca, because we can have a mini class outing at the same time.

Basically, I went numbed for the whole show. Despite eunice claiming to be the most timid one around, she managed to hold out till the end of the show. As for me, I was watching it half-heartedly, eating chips to curb my fright. But I ended up finishing the show with the rest. At least I didn't run out midway. lol.

Today is the band investiture and I was contemplating whether to go. It's been very long since I went back to Kranji. Somehow the school gave me quite a distanced feeling. But the warm welcome by the band juniors made me wanted to go back.

I must build up more courage next time round.

Yet another tiring day.

Nothing much to blog about, since I always talk about the same old stuff that happened in camp, countless of times. So I shall skip all the unnecessary details (shit, I almost forgot how to spell the word "unnecessary") this time round. Other than the fact that Mok had to leave abruptly due to some miscommunication for the driver course, everything else remains the same. It's quite a pity to have Mok leaving us for such a useless course at this time since he is going to ORD soon. Despite him joining us (me and "PC" Pang) after the GOH left, there seem to be some kinship build around this newly formed merah shift. This "unitedness" is much stronger, maybe because we don't see them as people from east, rather we are all under Shift 3. So there is no point not getting close.

Fortunately, we received a call from him that the course is a wrong one. So most likely we'll be having him back soon. After all, it's always sad to see someone you have grown accustomed to go. So it's quite a relief for all of us.

But I know someday, they will eventually leave merah.

This is something that cannot be prevented. So I shall spend the remaining times as a happy and united RP.

That's all for now. Time for some preparation for the performance I'll be going later. It's "back to school" day as I relive the past memories of my time in Kranji Symphonic Band. Anyway, their performance is at 8pm, ngee ann city today...

Some drastic changes has been made with regards to the duties in camp, meaning I will have less time in touch with the "very" civilised world outside. Or rather, less time with my neopets account.

Usually there isn't standby duties on weekends, but with the new implementations, I'll be spending much time rotting (finding things to do) in the very unaccessible east. Books are likely to accompany the times I will be there, probably. Looking for the book "Franny and Zooey" by J.D Salinger. Msg me if you have any whereabouts of the book.

Can't really think of much to write here, because my mind is completely blanked out after so many sessions of "differential discussions" with S about merah duties. Of course, priority is given to the SFI uncle incident. Relations are straining over here. I can't imagine how long I can survive still.

I need some nostalgic moments to remind me that it is still worthwhile to slog it out for the unit. I'm kinda losing it, soon...

A painful lesson learnt.

At long last, recovered from this traumatic experience with this stupid toothache of mine. What a long weekend this had been, nursing my health and battling the pain from fever and TOOTHache. Regular medications and involuntary ban on all kinds of non-soluble food had finally paid off.

These days, this stupid toothache of mine became quite serious. The doctor said it was due to the inflammation of the gums which led to bleeding, swollenness and fever. The first few days was the toughest to pass, when the pain was so excruciating that i couldn't even sleep and had to rely on painkillers to ease the pain. Living the days off with only medicine, congee and plain water may seem bland, but that is the only way. Mainly because I couldn't chew on anything that's harder than bread (which is quite saddening).

But that is all over. (glad to survive this ordeal)

Contemplated on why I had been falling sick so often (since there wasn't much things I could do other than to scream and hope for the pain to go). Must be due to the very "unhealthy" lifestyle, both in camp and at home. Not enough exercise and not balanced diet must have been the main culprit.

Now, I have sorted out my thoughts and to live a "healthier" life. I know there are a lot of people like me around, and I hope my experience can somehow affect them. It's time to lead a "better and more healthy lifestyle, for your family, friends and yourself."

(I'll probably forget about this and revert to my old junkie's life soon enough. But this effort shall remain to convince others. lol.)

Arghh...

Didn't realise it until today. I actually belong to the "low-income family" category. Little wonder the fact that my parents keep urging us to save up more money. Seems that my parents have depleted quite a huge sum of money trying to keep up with our current standard of living. Now we can no longer maintain it at the same level, it's about time to start reducing our expenses.

Hopefully the electricity bills doesn't escalate too much despite the rising oil prices (but i really doubt it). And everything is becoming so expensive, I ought to start to save up, even if it's a single cent. Who knows what might increase soon enough? toilet paper??

THE Spokesman : "With increasing depletion of natural resources like trees, there has been a hike in the price for raw material. As such in order to curb rising costs, we have no choice but to raise our prices to 10c each for of every roll of toilet paper."

lol.

p.s do give birth to more babies, this country needs your support. it also reduces the per capita of the family, so you also can join in the ranks of the "low income" group. and maybe become tax-exempted...

-got time go read this article I was a Singaporean by Molly Meek.

The funny article is back. After much speculation, "Bus fare and MRT to increase in OCT 06" is likely to happen. So why not laugh it off??

I am Ong Ah Bee living in Kampong Chai Chee
Life used to be simple and HAPPY
I worked hard in my STUDIES
I learned A-B-C, and everything from 1-2-3
Primary school was quite easy I passed PSLE.

Then I went to SECONDARY
The subjects include History, Geography,
Physics, Biology and CHEMISTRY
After O level I went to JC
I was quite LUCKY

This is a small humid tropical COUNTRY
Surrounded by unknown potential ENEMIES
Boys turned 18 must go to ARMY
After that we must continue our STUDIES
The girl can just sit back, relax and watch TV
They caome to this world only to "Chia Liao Bee"

No one lives on free meals or depends on CHARITY
I had no money to go to UNIVERSITY or POLY
So I went to work in a FACTORY
Trying to earn a little lousy SALARY
After CPF and INCOME TAX, I have just enough money to buy ROTI
and ride in MRT

Colleague at work used to be FRIENDLY
Always treat me to tea and COFFEE
Somehow they turn FISHY
Passing bad remarks about ME
Telling everybody I am LAZY.

My boss show me no SYMPATHY
Mumbling over my shoulder DAILY
"HURRY, HURRY and HURRY"
Accusing me of always trying to get MC
But my sickness was due to over stretch OT
Going home after midnight by TAXI
And they pay me only bus FEE

I park-tor and become steady
Finally had to MARRY
I lost money holding wedding dinner PARTY
Cheeky friends donating only cheap PANTY
After marriage, nothing was EASY

In one year, I become DADDY
I can't support my family and my BABY
Being tied down for life to repay HDB
And rising monthly utilities to PUB
My bank account has no MONEY
POSB balance is almost EMPTY
DBS wants to charge me EXTRA FEE
Insisting that "Nothing is FREE"

So I moonlight as KARANG GUNI
Many times I want to jump into the sea to MATI
But that is not EASY
My wife cried: "Who is going to support me and our BABY?"

I went to seek assistance from the MP
His reply was simple and easy
"Vote for me, vote for me, vote for me"
He never tell me his convincing POLICY
I was so angry and beat him hope that he MATI.
My dear friends, can you please help ONG Ah Bee.

taken from Sammyboy forum.

Spent the day reading through all the letters in my mailbox. Bills, newsletters and ads flooded every inch of the little space that i shared with the dozens of households in the block. This is probably how much junk mail one can expect after losing the only key to the box and fixing it a month later.

Let's see what are the kind of stuff we get daily. Bills from PUB urging you to pay up your outstanding electricity bills, reminders (or "red letters") threatening to cut your supplies if you don't, telephone bills from Singtel and Starhub, Town Council letters, school fees from Republic Poly (for my brother), HDB bills etc etc. This does not include the wide variety of printed ads ranging from real estate, tuitions, spa sessions, KFC coupons, Burger King's discounts, donations forms... The biggest occupants includes magazines and newletters from Pioneer, NSman, CDans, Woodlands Focus, Cohesion, Sembawang News and the ever-regular Court's "XX sale" booklets.

There's a fundamental difference between junk mails in the mailbox and my email. How I wished I could clear everything with just a click with my finger. Oh well, just my luck for losing my mailbox key...

Deleted the previous entry.

I decided not to disclose too much about my own life to those unseen viewers out there. Didn't want too many people to know what kind of problems I face, so that they will not view me differently because of my background. I just want to be like everyone else, to be ordinary. I shall remain an engima till then.

Everything in life moves in a cycle, there's a cause and an effect. If I feel depressed, this despondancy will result in more dejection, thereby making my short-lived life more miserable. This vicious cycle will forever continue until the day I can break out of it. As such, I decided to take things in my stride and see things positively. It's a tough job, considering that I'm a pessimist in nature. But I'll work things out, sooner or later.

Had a discussion with the rest about what we're going to do after NS. They can't really think of anything that I, as an FASS graduate will be able to do in the future other than a teacher. Even I myself have some problems imagining my future road. Is teaching the only way out?

Despite being a idealist, I guess that's the probable road down for me. Practicality and Idealism doesn't really mix in this world. Didn't really feel that teaching is the right career for me, but I can't find any other alternatives. I need some advice...

I shall put them aside for now. Too tired to think about these after the energy-consuming drill session. Got basic theory test tomorrow morning too, do wish me luck. Meeting the sec sch gang too for some belated birthday celebrations too. Will update soon...

"The Day When Everything Went Wrong" was the title of the essay my sis needed help in. I was kinda stuck at first, since it's been a long time I had a very strong inspiration to write creatively. But that day came eventually. Today.

I had this overwhelming inspiration to write a poem about this person in mind, whom i shall call S (lest it becomes too direct and create some embarrassment, but i'll provide hints). S is the perfect person for me to refer to as the "Computer Man". His life is programmed to the point of perfection, a flawless prototype of a new generation of "AI". Mutiple fine-tuning sessions completely removed all forms of blemishes within him, so he will only do anything that is mathematically installed. No arguments, no non-compliance with general order, no shortcuts, no time to slack, NO !!!

Enough of all these mindless ramblings. I shall stop before I explode and disintegrate into html codes.

Went for ippt this morning, only to find that all efforts gone to waste due to CAT1. Maybe I'm just not fated to pass this time. Sad coincidence that everytime I attempt, it will always rain. Tried to be optimistic but suffered another blow when we (andy and I) went to the canteen and nothing was left (maybe except for some plain eggs and leftover rice). What's worst is that I realised I'm out of cash (temporarily) and almost had no money to get home. Luckily I still had coins to tide through.

Everything in neopets went wrong too. Just didn't have the luck to get any freebies. Even my portfolio in the stock market fell significantly. Need to check back once again after I come back in 2 days time. Nothing seems to go in the right direction today.


Hey, I just got a free codestone from Tombola. At least something good happened before the day ended...

my 80th post and i decided to make it special (after all NDP is coming)...

"I am Singaporean, so say we all"

After spending the past 20 days involved in activities like sleeping in the day, doing duties and staying up late nights chasing the euphoria of the World Cup, it's finally over. It's about time to get some well-derserved rest from soccer, at least for now.

I'm still suffering from the aftershock from the finals. Totally dumbfounded by the actions of Zidane which eventually resulted in his send-off. This Zizou is not the one I know. What a way to end his international career with such an astonishing appearance.

Took some time off to visit mrbrown.com for yet another of his distinctive podcasts. Another startling news that I uncovered (or maybe I haven't been reading the news for some time). It so appears that mrbrown's column been sanctioned from TODAY after his article (which I found to be quite entertaining) Singaporeans are fed up with progress. wonder why?

What an insightful "documentation of the dysfunctional side of Singapore life".

Here's a little story i found from my bookshelves. Do spend time reading and ponder over it (while i come up with plans for activities that may prove worthy mentioning)...

Flying

Roger Dean Kiser

Once upon a time there was a little boy who was raised in a orphanage.

The little boy had always wished that he could fly like a bird. It was very difficult for him to understand why he could not fly. There were birds at the zoo that were much bigger than he, and they could fly.

"why can't I?" he thought. "Is there something wrong with me?" he wondered.

There was another little boy who was crippled. He had always wished that he could walk and run like other little boys and girls.

One day the little orphan boy who had wanted to fly like a bird ran away from the orphanage. He came upon a little boy who could not walk or run playing in the sandbox.

He ran over to the little boy and asked him if he had ever wanted to fly like a bird.

"No," said the little boy who could not walk or run. "But I have wondered what it would be like to walk and run like other boys and girls."

"That is very sad." said the little boy who wanted to fly. "Do you think we could be friends?" he said to the little boy in the sandbox.

"Sure." said the little boy.

The two little boys played for hours. They made sand castles and made really funny sounds with their mouths. Sounds which made them laugh real hard. Then the little boy's father came with a wheelchair to pick up his son. The little boy who had always wanted to fly ran over to the boy's father and whispered something into his ear.

"That would be OK, " said the man.

The little boy who had always wanted to fly like a bird ran over to his new friend and said, " You are my friend and I wish that there was something that I could do to make you walk and run like other little boys and girls. But I can't. But there is something I can do for you."

The little orphan turned around and told his new friend to slide up onto his back. He then began to run across the grass. Faster and faster he ran, carrying the little crippled boy on his back. Faster and harder he ran across the park. Harder and harder he made his legs travel. Soon the wind just whistled across the two little boys' faces.

The little boy's father began to cry as he watched his beautiful little crippled son flapping his arms up and down in the wind, all the while yelling at the top of his voice,

"I'M FLYING, DADDY. I'M FLYING!"

Annoyed. Irritated. Displeased. Exasperated. Infuriated. Crossed. Jaundiced. Offended. Troubled. Piqued.

These are probably the words to describe what i'm feeling right now. Extremely annoyed by the fact that i actually had to wait for more than an hour for the stupid bus to get back home, even though the sign wrote "off-peak waiting time approximately 20 mins".

Impatient I may be, this wait is somewhat unreasonable. This particular bus I have been waiting for appears to be a loop service, but the time it took to arrive from the opposite stop is so much longer. What's worst is the fact that the bus actually went off without stopping though I raised my hands out long before it reached the stop. Plain unlucky. Almost fell asleep waiting, like a beggar on the streets.

Killed my blogging mood for the day. Wanted so much to tell everyone how addicted to mahjong my family members are. This passion for mahjong lies in our genes. Afterall, the ones i played mahjong with are my grandma and younger cousins. The one with the most potential appears to be my younger niece, who is just 5 years old.

My cousins playing blackjack, my uncles scanning the 4D tickets, my aunts talking about soccer, my grandma playing mahjong. Ironic it is, because we often advocate "non-gambling" and here we are doing everything that goes against it.

Didn't have plans to do for the past one week and thus no new entries.

Soporific lifestyle remains the main theme for the month. Ever since the new standby schedule is up, there hasn't been much free time outside of camp for me to organise activities that may prove worthwhile. Most of the time is spent indoors, either sleeping or staring into blank space, contemplating.

These days i'm wondering whether to start something different, to embark on a new pursuit that could be interactive and intellectual. But somehow, i can't devise a hobby that could use up lots of time and effort, can be done indoors, improves a certain skills that i have. Or perhaps i already had something in mind, only fearful that i don't have the confidence to see it till the end.

Time is slowly ticking, and i better be decisive soon...

And it's the time of the year that everyone's waiting for, The World Cup (except for the occurence of the leap year which falls on the same schedule). 4 years of euphoria, disappointments, winning streaks and unexpected upsets is up for grabs once again. Will this year belong to Brazil once again? or will favourites, England, Germany, Argentina, Spain overturn the odds and triumph at the football's greatest stage?

Everyone awaits in anticipation.

Are there times when you felt a generation gap with your parents?

Well, I did.

It seems weird that there could be times like these that makes you feel as though you and your parents belong to dfifferent worlds. Usually I would be able to understand my parent's intentions in doing something, but i don't know what happened this time round. It wasn't a heated argument, merely a philosophical discussion of the alternative viewpoints to a problem. Sometimes i just don't know what's going on in their mind. It's either i'm too idealistic and immatured to know the complexities of this world, or their perspectives of ideas are too traditional and outdated. But i opt for the latter.

Looking at the arguments between my younger siblings and my parents made me wonder about this unsolved question. Most of the time, i tend to stay neutral and seek to understand the problem, and solutions came. Gradually, I began to formulate reasons why these problems occur. So much so that even my younger siblings say that i have a generation gap with them.

3 years age difference and there's a generation gap? Unlikely, but still possible.

Is it true that the generation gap occur because of differences in age? Or rather differences in ideology, culture, living environment, education etc. I want to know more, which means i need to have more "educational" interaction with my parents.

I'll see that it doesn't escalate out of control.