My THESIS PLEDGE

I know this is not an easy path,

I know there are many obstacles ahead,

I know I will experience stress, fustration and disappointment,

I know I might fail somehow,

I know this is one lonely journey to take,

I know it will make or break me,

But I also know CP is one who doesn't give up without a fight.

I don't want to be someone who is afraid to try, and yet regret not trying in the end.

Instead I want to be a survivor...

And I know I will be.

The journey of 12,000 words begins.

**Let this pledge be the constant reminder to stay motivated and focused all the way. Till the date 8th April 2011**

Totally busy with the Project Excellence camp the past week. Extremely exhausted by I'm loving it =)

Now its back to school once again!

p.s I will blog about the balloon incident pretty soon (when I managed to find time to do so)

I'm back from module 1 of the PA YouthsLead program! It was definitely an enriching session at OBS, even though the duration is rather short (2D2N). Still I got to know new friends and learnt more about myself.

But the most important thing I received from this was I found back the very fire I had for volunteerism in the first place. Come to think of it, time does pass very quickly. Before I know it, I'm almost nearing the "3 year itch" of volunteering.

I have to agree that my passion is no longer as strong as when I first started. Perhaps it is because I got so much more other commitments at hand now than in the past. I feel that I am no longer putting 100% as much as I would like to. Volunteering can be hard work at times.

But during my time in OBS, I reflected a lot. I got to this realization that though I can no longer contribute as much as in the past, but the very little act of contributing itself is enough. I was so particularly inspired by the interaction with the other volunteers. To hear how volunteering changed their lives, no matter how small is enough to rekindle my fire.

I am now committed to making volunteering a part of my life =)

I'm back from taiwan~! yay

Tons of updates to do here, but I will post up the travel entry pretty soon. Looks like I'm going to be staying in sch for another year =)

CACTUS 2010 was a blast!

Attended the first school performance in my 3 years of university life, and I was treated to a fusion of music, voices and dance. It was a display of dances/singing from the various sub clubs like social & ballroom dance, d'hoppers, Jazzitude, BBoys, Resonance, Voices etc.

What an Amazing night!

Time sure flies. At the blink of an eye, I'm already approaching weekends.

It's about time to start doing my readings, but somehow I can't seem to find the motivation to do it. Especially when it is so alluring to watch movies, eat good food, shop around etc. I basically spent my Monday & Tuesday watching 2 very good movies - Schindler's List and Amadeus. Wednesday was outing to eat potatofarmland (omg good stuff!), Friday attending the YouthsLEAD launch dinner.

I can't wait for the OBS module 1. I seriously need some adventure in the wild.

Should I continue with the PA YouthsLead 2010 programme?

While I am extremely happy to be selected for this, I don't know whether I have time to do a good job in it. After all, there are no clashes currently (since the special semester timetable is not out yet), but I am not exactly sure if I can handle doing windsurf camp, special semester and this YouthsLead activities (3 camps + 1 GRO attachment project) on top of doing research for thesis.

In a Dilemma.

Attended several inspiring talk by the various speakers working in the different fields of psychology in Singapore. There were topics on working as a counselor, educational psychologist, forensic psychologist, clinical psychologist, industrial/organizational psychologist as well as being a psycho-entrepreneur.

We also learnt about how to get into graduate school in psychology and the best of all panel discussion with some of the more distinguished leaders in the local field (for example our own Prof George Bishop!). Had a great time knowing more about the field where my passion lies =)

Crazy mambo night out with the windsurfers (char, jocene, xingyan, yew ming and jeron)!

Drank alcohol as though it was dirt cheap (which is true in a way), and I couldn't even walk in a straight line, nor count multiples of seven even before we went into phuture. It's interesting to see the people you usually see behaving in all kinds of weird manner yesterday. haha

Anyway, psychology talk tomorrow and saturday. Followed by dinner with lost-long friend penguin and Project Excellence volunteering. Sunday's up for windsurfing.

I foresee a busy week ahead, yet satisfying at the same time =)

Sunflower!

Thanks for the Iron Man 2 movie treat~!!! Such a pleasant surprise (totally gave me a big shock in fact). Though I am still sad over the news, but nevertheless there will definitely be a solution to the problem.

Don't ever lose faith, for the battle has only just begun.

Been neglecting this place for sometime. A few reasons, one - no time to blog, two -no inspiration, hence the lack of "proper" posts these past few weeks.

Now that I am finally done with all the papers, perhaps I can have more time to re-indulge in some philosophical pondering and get inspiration for the blog posts.

On a side note, I really hope to find a good supervisor for HT. Dr Sandy is good, but I still have a lot of persuasion to do in order to find a co-supervisor, otherwise all the effort so far will go to waste =(

Or maybe I should just stick to doing other topics or modules?

"I'm famous for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around." - Homer

Hope that gives everyone enough motivation to study~! cos Homer will be watching you =P

"If success is determined by the number of steps you have taken, just look down and you will be surprised by how much you achieved. But there are many more steps in front (CP,2010)"

The Spelling Bee Competition for the P5/6 is fantastic. Some of the kids really amazed me when they can spell words that I didn't expect them to (after all I got the words straight from the dictionary). Either that or maybe I underestimated their abilities. oops.

Inspiration from Akeelah and the Bee. Wow!

Sometimes I wonder whether I should leave the situation as it is and don't bother making my life that miserable. Since the problem has been stuck for so long and there is still no solution in sight. Such a awkard situation yesterday, I don't even know why she can behave like nothing happen when I am trying to avoid her.

That one entire year of "friendship" gone just like that. Maybe that one year when I thought the times was happy and it meant something to everyone doesn't mean anything at all.

Perhaps pretending to be strangers could be a way out eventually. And I should stop thinking about it and focus my attention on the others who have supported me all this time.

Nevertheless, I'm glad there are angels who are still disguised all around me, even after the situation threatened to push us apart. Thanks people =)

Some inspirational stuff to motivate everyone who are busy studying/doing reports/rushing projects. Special thanks to nana for finding the quote below. Thanks lots =)

"If you take a nap now, you will dream, but if you study now, you will have your dreams coming true." via @Liccalika

Jiayou everyone!

Getting extremely unmotivated to study as the days progress. Is this what we call "burnout"?

I don't want to play Pokemon anymore, I want to study. Arghh. Someone gimme some extrinsic motivation (since intrinsic is not working) to mug.

The last PE session was quite a shock. Simon didn't realise there was a session for the P3/P4 and we had to do an impromptu brainstorming for the lesson plan.

Anyway the entire story goes like this. Last saturday was supposedly the term review for the project, and we had a meeting with the teachers in the morning. I was rather impressed with the meeting flow, all the teachers contributed to the discussion and they didn't really "ignore" our points that we brought up as well.

Not that I purposely wanted to say those words, but we are the youngest among the group, and there is of course a tendency that they will treat our points as irrelevant or not important. I have seen so many examples when senior management thinks their points are correct and doesn't give a hoot about what the rest says.

But that is not the main story. I did learnt a lot from this meeting, and gained more experience with dealing with problematic kids (or at least I believed so). Nevertheless, after meeting we went for lunch and wanted to get a birthday cake for huihui. While we were eating together with simon, he told us that there was a lesson and that he forgot about it. Oh my, I got such a big shock. The time was about 145pm, and the class starts at 3pm.

Fortunately we realised that there are chinese chess in the cupboard and we ended up teaching the kids how to play =)

p.s It's quite a sight to see kids queuing up to receive huihui's birthday cake. haha I wished I was young again

Dealing with people matters is probably the most difficult thing to do in this world.

You do this, and there will be impact on a few people, you do that, then it will affect other people as well. Don't do anything, it will still have an effect. Given such dilemma, how do we tell which of the decision is the best among them all?

While I was watching the film titled "12 Angry Men", one thought came to my mind. How do we essentially know which is the correct decision to make? Sometimes, the majority agreement does not necessarily meant that their answer is right (As shown in the movie). Especially when it is in an ambiguous situation without full information all the time.

Very often it just take one strong opinion and a charismatic leader and decision can be swayed towards a particular direction. What I often find is that, sometimes there is not much deliberate thought before doing the decision, or the deliberation is just not enough. Once you have an opinion, it is far likely that you will try to confirm your hypthosis than discomfirm it.

So when every decision made is based on the knowledge of some people, we might end up in a groupthink trap. But then, very often we don't have the luxury of time when deciding on matters. After all, there are so many more things to do, by the time you get back to evaluating your initial argument, time is up and the effect is permanent.

So this post is dedicated to everyone who are decision-makers, be it a big or small matter. It is extremely important to think and get a third party opinion. Sometimes I will wish to do so.

Or perhaps I was never suitable for a position like this and should continue to be a introverted mugger, who aims to be a librarian for life.

"Emotions kills reason." Evaluate this claim.

ohmygod, totally didn't expect this kind of question to come out for the midterms. Nevertheless, 2 midterms down and last one to go. And not forgetting the emotions presentation, the group dynamics tutorial presentation and the MNO video.

All due within the next few weeks. Arghh =(

Pardon for the lack of updates. As usual, not much events happening recently that seemed interesting enough to be posted here.

Chinese New Year is becoming like a rountine, so I am not exactly excited to blog about it. After all its always house visiting followed by mahjong, eat, poker, eat, eat, sleep, eat. What is special this year is Recess week is the same week! Omg I hate it when I gotta study for mid terms and do essays when its the festive mood.

Its time to study for emotions mid terms, and also to finish up on the video project as well as a very weird "blind date" tutorial project. haha. Anyway, I am so contemplating whether to sign up for YOUTHSlead 2010. Seriously tempted to get this cool experience (recommended by huihui) but I wonder whether I have the time to commit.

Let me go sleep over it. Its surfing this weekend again =)

p.s I like the powerpoints lots.

My first time taking over the class. Super nervous in the beginning but I gradually got the hang of it.

Fortunately the students seemed manageable. Or was it because of the fact that I used "Mr Heng" aka "Mr Tan number 2" ?? haha.

Anyway we started with watching the second part of the movie of "Akeelah and the bee" for the 1st hour. Our second activity was a variant of the spelling bee competition. We split the students into 4 groups and each group has to memorise 4 list of words within 20mins. We also asked each group to think of a word to be used to test the others in the bonus round later.The game started with each member going up at least once in each round to answer the spelling. Correct answer will get 1 point. After that the next member go up and answer and this continues for 2 rounds. At the last round, each group can send a representative to go up to spell the word that another group has written down. Each correct answer will get 2 points. The word that other groups have written is not listed in the word list, as such it requires the person to really break up the words and spell them out.

First session for the new year and it's great that it all went smoothly =)

Don't really like to ramble about the daily activities on my blog, but I am seriously super sian.

Why do the prof want to put the mid term test immediately after recess week?? And why did the school have to put the recess week together with the chinese new year week?? Why does everyone get to go out and I gotta stay at home and mug for the test??

Oh well. Such rambling doesn't really solve anything. End of post. Now its back to mugging.

That's why I still choose Yale to NUS (If I have the choice).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGn3-RW8Ajk

Of course that is not a sign that NUS is bad in anyway. I am still glad that I made it here. University is still the best years of my life. We have cca cultures, hall culture, but it seems we still lack that NUS spirit. I can't really grapple what it is. Maybe because it is not distinctive enough.

That sparkle in the eye whenever the school is mentioned. I can't seem to feel it. But nevertheless, its a cool video. haha

Actually I don't know what else to say. I don't know whether to blog this out or not. But oh well.

We came.
We trained.
We tried.
But sometimes effort does not equate result.
I'm sorry.

Even if it is only by just 1 point.

Is there such a thing as a permanent group?

I don't really have an answer. After all that has happened the past few days, I really pondered over this question hard. It started out with the question as to why people join groups?

It seems that people join groups for a variety of reasons, such as for social support in times of need, to focus on a collective task, for companionship, for prestige, and all sorts of reason. And as I wondered more about what constitues an essence of a group, it appears I can't really think of any (of course this is restricted to my own perspective as usual).

What I feel is that people join group for a reason (they can't decide to join anyone for no reason at all), and the group is supposed to be the gel to achieve the person's agenda. So when...

1) one does not feels affilated to a group,
2) the different members have different agendas,
3) the task is completed
4) the well-liked member decide to leave the group

there seems to be nothing left for that can keep the group together. Or is there something that I missed out? because if everything can be so rationally understood, then my eventual conclusion will be that one does not need a permanent group after all.

Take for example, you join a group because you feel affilated and that you have a common goal. But when the goal is completed or the affilation disappears (for a variety of reason eg. conflicts, well-liked member left etc) Will you still remain in the group?

I joined windsurfing because of all the members that I got to know then. But when these people graduate, there is not much motivation to want to continue to be in the group, especially if I don't know anyone at all. As much as I put in so much effort all this while, one day I realise I will end up leaving the group too. So why should I put in effort for something that will be gone?

Using the example of family, the parents are the one who keep the "group" together. But one day they leave, will the essence of the group remains? This point shows that when members of a group leaves, the group will eventually disappear.

So in the end, can there ever be a permanent "group" where I can really anchor myself to?

大多数二十多岁的男人处于他一生中最暗淡的时刻，没事业，没钱。二十多岁的女人正处于她一生中最光彩的时刻，她年轻，她漂亮。 所以20多岁的男人更应该珍惜在这个时候爱他的女人，因为她是用她一生中最光彩的时刻来陪伴你一生中最暗淡的时刻!

kapo from kelvin's blog.

Just like a sunflower, life is a cycle of ups and downs. Each morning the sunflower faces towards the sun and opens up, spreading its bright yellow petals for everyone to admire. At night, it bends down and silently awaits for the next day.

Once in a while, someone will pass by and compliment you for brightening their day. That without you, their existence will never be the same. But most of the time, you will be neglected. Society itself is like that, humans are too busy to appreciate what lies along their path.

But does that mean the sunflower shouldn't open their petals then? No, because collectively, if each sunflower does not want to open up itself, the whole world will be such a dark and uninspiring place. The sunflower is the symbol of happiness.

Similarly, if each of us is like a sunflower, I urge everyone to continue to stay happy. Even when it seems that day is the worst time of your life, stay happy. Even when the whole world is against you, stay happy as well. It will be hard to do so, but you still gotta try.

Happiness is contagious. Help spread it. For tomorrow will be a better day =)

My last hurdle. Hope I made the correct decisions this time round.

GE2018/SSA2215 - The Biophysical Environment of Singapore
GE2220 - Terrestrial & Coastal Environments
PL3240 - Group Dynamics
PL3252 - Social-Cognitive Perspectives on Emotion
MNO1001- Management and Organisation

Away for SIM Windsurfing Championship 9-10 Jan. Pray for good wind =)

Sometimes I really wondered whether it is good to have so many red-tape all over the place. On the other hand, I know as well that bureaucracy is ultimately essential for every society. It forms the basic framework, creates law and order and helps to create jobs for people. One thing is for sure, this is definitely not the ideal bureaucracy that Max Weber had envisioned.

Seeing how the paperwork gets pushed all around the different departments, and how these so called high-ranking legislators give promises that they don't follow up on, I am rather disappointed with the civil service.

What is the job of the civil service? To serve the people.

If it can't even accomplish such a task, what's the use of having so many people? Perhaps the adage "too many cook spoil the soup" is indeed applicable here.

School's reopening soon. So it's about time to start mugging and pull up my CAP.

As usual resolutions for the new year (which sadly remains the same for the past few years)

show more care and concern to those around me.
be more sensitive when I speak.
achieve 4.0 GPA
save up a $10,000 bank account.
level 1 heart-to-heart with mixedrice.
teach windsurfing to the juniors.
go read up more on investing.
write out my first collection of short stories.
master french to at least intermediate level.

Wish me luck for the new year =)

The year-end review is back again. This is a full year of surprises and shocks, almost like a roller-coaster ride. And I'm glad I managed to survive this tough year. Brief recap of the interesting things that occurred over the past year.


Jan - Many firsts in life. First trip to Vietnam with the Team Gusto volunteers as well as first french meal with jean, the first friend i made in French class.

Feb - Training with the windsurfing peeps for NTU Open and ITWC. Let's do it again this year. 4th in a row.

Mar - Late night supper with the supper gang and spending time to Bare Your Sole for charity.

Apr - "I wanna nobody nobody but you!" *clap clap and Uniform Party in charissa's room in RH. We hope we didn't terrorise the school too much =P

May - Month of waltz-ing and emo-ing with Life on the Moon. It's also back to work at LISEN. omgomgomg.

Jun - One of the best trips so far in Gunung Stong. It's all about Teamwork, Perseverance and Goal-Doing.

Jul - Disappointed with how the windsurf camp went, but I guess this feeling will pass. Busy month with SL Matric Fair and Project Excellence.

Aug - Marveled at the sight of Jupiter and surfing it out at my first windsurfing competition.

Sep - The most emotional month of the year. "I still want to believe that miracles do exist" and it still does.

Oct - What makes me happy? I didn't have an answer then. "Like Love, Happiness need no reminder." (CP,2009)

Nov - Meteor shower reminded me that some things in life do really deserve the wait. Being overly pessimistic is just not worth the time. MR First Halloween Party occurred as well.

Dec - Philosophical pondering and First "Ready For School" project. Lots of time spent with Mugger Republic as well.

To my friends out there, I know its not easy to get along with me. I can be overly emotional, very stubborn at times, insensitive to others and extremely straightforward/blunt. While I am gradually learning to accept the flaws I see in people, I do urge you all can do the same for me.

Someday when I am less critical of others and myself, perhaps I can finally see that this world is still beautiful in a way. Have faith =)

Happy 2010.

In the words of Rene Descartes, "I think therefore I am." It suggests that as long as there is thought, we can be sure that the thought, or the person thinking truly exist. For thought cannot exist if there is no one is thinking about it.

I don't know whether I truly exist in the past, it could be a mere construction of a new memory , instead of reconstruction of a past memory. I don't know whether I exist in the future in a similar fashion. Because what I am thinking now, whether it is the past or the future is just based on representation of my current thought. Everything could just be a dream.

If what Descartes says is in fact true, at least at the very present moment, I know that I exist. Similarly feelings/emotions are presented in the same way too. I don't know what I felt in the past or in the future, but I do know that this feeling is present now.

I could imagine being happy in the future, I could imagine being happy in the past, but I cannot confirm both with certainty as well. But I know I can be sure I am feeling happy at the present moment.

Perhaps ultimately only the present matters.

Today simon told me an interesting illustration of the importance of patience. I shall call it the water heater example.

"When people bath, they turn the water heater to a certain level (eg. level 2). But they complain that the water is still too cold. So they turn up the heater to a higher temperature. In the end, they complain that the water is too hot."

This example shows us that very often we are too impatient to wait and tend to rush things a little. The water heater takes time to heat up the water, but because of our impatience, we turn up the temperature to a level that is not suitable for us (too hot). Perhaps in reality, this level 2 is already the best/optimal temperature for us.

So what this all suggest is that sometimes in life, we have to be patient. Somethings are already working at its best, so its no good to make things move a little faster. Time can be our best friend, it can also be our worst enemy.

Even though there is more good news than bad news, I don't really feel like blogging here.

But generally, both windsurf events went well without any major hiccups, all that is left are the post-event paperwork and they can be closed. The committee is getting more bonded, so that is another call for celebration. After all, that is one of the main goals I set for the second year in committee.

"Ready for School Project" was great too. Its definitely an experience worth remembering and I hope I will be back again next year.

Results was what I had hoped to achieve, so its another relief for me. Of course I will continue to work hard the next semester (or rather all the remaining ones).

Let's just hope the good things continue =)

Merry Xmas to everyone and enjoy the festive mood!

credits from yahoo images

Away for

December Training Camp,

Mugger Republic JB Trip,

CDAC "Ready for School" Event,

Windsurfing Internal Race'09,

MixedRice Year-End Party,

Project Excellence Xmas Party,

& Sports Club Welfare Treat.

shall update when I'm back! Enjoy the holidays everyone =)

p.s pray for good wind and clear skies too.

Till Death Us Do Part

Harry and Sophia wanted to take seriously the words of the minister would utter as they exchanged rings: "These two lives are now joined in one unbroken circle." This meant putting their collective interest first, and their individual interests second. If they could do that, the marriage would be better for both of them.

But Harry had seen his own parents divorce and too many friends and relations hurt by betrayal and deceit to accept this unquestioningly. The calculating part of his brain reasoned that, if he put himself second, and Sophia put herself first, Sophia would get a good deal from the marriage but he wouldn't. In other words, he risked being taken for a mug if he romantically failed to protect his own self-interest.

Sophia had similar thoughts. They had even discussed the problem and agreed that they would really would not be egotistical in the marriage. But neither could be sure the other would keep their part of the bargain, so the safest course of action for both was to secretly look out for themselves. That inevitably meant the marriage would not be as good as it could have been. But surely it was the only rational course of action to take?

(from "The Pig that wants to be eaten)

The classic "prisoner's dilemma" presented here again. If humans can be less calculating and care more for a collective good, this world would be a more beautiful place. But if this kind of problem can happen in marriage (concerns just 2 person), I cannot imagine how people can work together for a greater good. Sometimes blind faith might work better.

I don't know if its confirmatory bias but somehow I seem to notice a lot of relationship stuff happening all around me. It could be good news, bad news or whatever, but what interests me is that why am I starting to notice them?

Is it because these days I'm brainstorming a new storyline (a topic about cupid and love) that causes this or was it something else?

Even my mum is behaving so weirdly the past few weeks (and I'm pretty sure its not a perceptual problem). Must be because my younger brother got a girlfriend. haha.

p.s I'm collecting some interesting love stories for this. So if you have anything interesting please sent it to me =)

Super tired after such a busy week. But its not over yet.

After 2 days of intensive packing, we are done with the 9000++ vouchers to be given out for the CDAC "Ready For School" event.

Mambo, random CPG party, night cycling, adobe photoshop workshop, (kite-flying?). I need more sleep =(

CPR + AED Familiarization Training today, 3pm @ SRC Dancefloor.

SuperH says: so i've a group of friends whom i'm close with. v close. but as we become closer, i start to see their flaws. some of which is really irritating me. I'm not sure if its me who is getting anal, or is it because they are really treating ppl who are closer w less thoughtfulness. or rather, as time goes by, you have exhausted all their good points.

SuperH says: and i bet these are gg to strain my friendship w them. if thats the case, whats the point of being close to your friends when its just going to strain the friendship at the end of the day.

SuperH says: I am wondering if it is better to keep a distance from all your friends, a distance that is far enuff so that we dont see each other's flaws. maintain a good image, a facade. Keep the distance, keep the flaws. and since no one really understands, why make the effort to express your feelings to them. you can be your own best friend.

This brings me to the question about friendship. Can I accept the flaws that I see in my friends as well?

If yes, then I am contradicting the very beliefs that I have for myself. After all, the flaws are the ones that I see as unacceptable.

If no, then I guess there can be no friends for me. Since it is impossible to find someone who fits the bill (except myself). I am my own best friend in the end.

It's time to pick up philosophy again. This time I borrowed this book called The Pig that wants to be eaten.

An interesting and yet thought-provoking book by Julian Baggini. Not sure if I can post it here, but some of the short stories are so mind-boogling and awesome. Haha

Supposed you live in a desert all your life, and one day a relative comes back from his travels and tells u about his stories. One thing he mentioned was 'ice'. In the far corner of the earth, there was a place that was so cold that the water stopped flowing and formed into a translucent block. The only difference between the block and the water that flows is that it is much colder. Would you believe that 'ice' exist?

Now the problem is that if you have never seen anything with your own eyes, how can you show that it is true? Yet again, if you choose not to believe it, you could be missing out on something that is in fact true. But you cannot afford to believe it from just a person's perspective. Even if many people agree, does it mean it is in fact true? Remember the time when people claimed that the earth was flat.

So the best is to keep an open mind about everything. There is still a limit to our knowledge that cannot be addressed even till now.

This thought has been lingering for some time, but I was busy with other more important stuff that I didn't really have time to reflect on it.

But after huimin's comment during suppertalk, I begin to realise the importance of this issue. She said I look as though I was "living in my own world", even though I am always physically present, my mind seem to be always off somewhere else. What's worse is that she can see the "fear" in my eyes that I myself know is present as well.

I don't know how to describe this fear. The best words I can find for now is "loss" of emotions. In a way, I don't know whether I can feel truly happy or sad anymore. Don't ask me how come because I don't have a clue myself too. The emotions I experience seem to be like fleeting thoughts, I can be ecstatic whenever I play, but a few moments later I begin to feel nothing again. So much so that I start questioning myself if I did experience anything at all in the first place. Something must have changed me to who I am today.

When I'm happy I laugh, when I'm angry, I laugh, and when I'm sad, I laugh as well. So much so that everything I laugh, I can no longer know what emotion I am experiencing. And coupled with the fact that I know these are passing "emotional" thoughts, I start behaving like a detached individual, like what huimin said. Which is true in fact, because I can no longer see the actual me. Its like being an observer watching the life of another (which is still me) going on.

What is it like to truly feel again?

And its all over. Time to savour the well-deserved break.

What is it that I want to achieve in life?

After a msn conversation with huihui, I seem to understand this a "little" better. I still remember all these years, the only dream that I had was to make it to university. Now that I am here, it dawned onto me that I no longer have anything else to look forward to.

Even in retrospect, sometimes I wonder why I am so concerned with getting a degree in the first place. Perhaps it was due to socialization when all of us were young. Our parents always tell us to study hard and get a good degree, otherwise we can only be "road-sweepers" or "toilet cleaners". Somehow this is only true to an extent. You don't have to be a road-sweeper even without any qualifications, and it does not necccessarily meant that you can't be a degree holder toilet cleaner. Come to think of it now, I laugh at how silly I was to believed them in the past.

But I guess our parents are encouraging us for our own good. In this competitive society, qualifications seems to be all that matter. Good Honours means better paying job. But is that what I really want? Materialism doesn't seem to appeal me much. I am pretty fine just wearing pasar-malam clothes or imitation adidas from bangkok. Or is it the society itself, we value success only in such monetary terms. What happened to everything else? Does being poor really meant you are a total failure?

Again people is going to criticse that I'm daydreaming (idealist), or I should just conform to majority. Or that I have never tasted poverty to understand how money can make one happy. Yes that is true, but didn't our parents lived a life that used to be tough? How can we tell that they are more happy now than before?

But that is a side point. I can't forsee myself being happy just by earning a lot of money, whether I can afford to get my own car or that newest Iphone. I don't know what makes me happy (at least for now). There must be more to life that this.

I want to live a life where I know if I were to die tomorrow, I can still leave with a smile. Not trying to be pessimistic here, but since the future is unknown, anything is possible. Some incidents have a higher probability than others though, like getting heart attack, car accident, more than dying under the debris from an earthquake. I don't want to waste my time pursuing these superficial things.

Even after 10 years, I still don't really know what I want in life after all.

Just one more day.

Yesterday night spent at admiralty park was indeed worthwhile.

The sky was overcast since evening, and I was pretty afraid the clouds would remain so. Fortunately, the sky managed to clear up a little at about 2am. That was when I got so random and decided to take the field chair down my block and see from the bus stop (which is much darker). Apparently while I was staring into the sky, a police car stopped by. Super shocked because I had like no IC, no phone, no money with me at all.

The policemen thought I was drunk and sitting by the road. Oh well, I guess its really quite weird to find a lone figure sitting in the middle of the bus stop, leaning against the lamp post and staring into the sky.

Anyway, my uncle came and we headed for admiralty park. Set up the stuff and used the binoculars. That was when the sky cleared and I saw the most starry night I haven seen in Singapore (with the exception of Tekong).

In the end, I got to see 4 meteors, including one with a very nice blue trail. A special bonus when we unexpectedly located mars using the telescope =)

more on facebook album. This shall be the start of my star gazing album.

I need to amass all my positive self-efficacy to last through this week.

Independent Thinker: Career
As an Independent Thinker, you are one of the introverted personality types. That is one of the reasons you prefer to work alone. This does not mean that you cannot be successful in a team, as well. For you, the task is most important and people who are involved come second. The contact with others, the necessity to adjust yourself to their daily changing sensitivities - all of it is just more gratuitous emotion that keep you from totally devoting yourself to those things that truly interest you: analyzing systems and policies, researching potentials for change, developing new ideas and implementing them in reality.

Here you differ from the second introverted Thinker type, the Analytical Thinker: You truly enjoy implementing your concepts and you enjoy the results. Therefore you should look for a work environment where you can accompany and expedite your ideas through to their conclusion. You consider difficult situations as challenges that really try your creativity and you frequently surprise people around you with genuinely incredibly bright ideas, rendering others speechless with their excellence. Your world consists of statistics, legitimacy, and systematics.

Considering all of this, your Thinker type is very praxis-oriented, and by no means lives on an intellectual ivory tower. You are not interested in theories not related to reality. As in chess, you are excellent at predicting the consequences of your methods in advance, and then choosing the appropriate alternative. Once you have made your decision on how to deal with a situation, you are totally willing to use your elbows and you don’t necessarily show any consideration for others. With that, you occasionally encounter resistance from other, less task-oriented colleagues that you quickly brush aside.

You resent routine jobs or monotonic order of events. You believe that they smother your creativity. If necessary, your determination and unusual ambition will convince you to acquiesce to the inevitable. Nevertheless, when choosing your profession, you should be mindful that your working environment is going to provide you with something new to learn and that your tasks are as varied as possible. Your strength lies in solving novel problems and not working on details. Nor should your curiosity ever be satisfied; just as fresh information is as important to you as the air you breathe, so is the feeling that you continuously expand and increase your competencies. An activity where you do the same thing in the same department with the same colleagues for 20 years is the worst fate that can possibly happen to a hungry mind.

Independent Thinker: Love

For your partner, you are truly a hard nut to crack, and one has to give someone who goes through life as independent as you darn good reasons for a relationship before he/she deigns to at least consider it. You very slowly and judiciously develop trust and closeness to other people; whoever wants to win you needs a tremendous amount of patience and staying power.

Even once you begin to warm up to someone, one does not sense that for the longest time as you are uncomfortable and reluctant to display your feelings because you are not used to it. The cool, distanced, and somewhat arrogant vibes of all Thinkers are a little more pronounced with you and already sufficiently discourage many potential partners as they get frustrated and give up during the advanced phases of flirting - a shame because inside, you are not as indifferent and emotionless as you some- times appear, and sometimes your reserve simply hides your disappointment at the blindness and superficiality of the people around you.

Nevertheless, it is always a good idea for you to choose a partner very carefully and not blindly jump into an affair, because your demands are very high. You have a clear image of the “perfect relationship” and are not willing to deviate from that by even one millimeter to the right or the left. A sharp intellect that is equal to yours is the most important quality your partner must bring along. You need somebody in your life who inspires, stimulates, and always challenges you and with whom you can maintain an intensive intellectual companionship. Nothing will impress you more than competence, knowledge, and the willingness to learn because those are the traits that are truly important to you in your life. You are never really satisfied with your accomplishments, and always discover something about yourself that needs your improvement, where something new can be learned, and where you are not yet good enough.

http://www.ipersonic.com/test.html

Went for "Ask Stupid Question: Innovation without Inhibition" workshop at CDAC HQ yesterday.

It's been quite some time since I went back to HQ, and since it was a sunday, the whole place was empty. Oh well, I guess we have to find some other time if we were to catch Valerie at work.

Anyway the workshop was interesting, but the concept of asking stupid questions as a way to generate ideas itself was the most fascinating. Similar to most workshops I attended, most activities were in the form of experiential learning (meaning learning through play).

Unfortunately the method is a trademark of the NLB, so I can't really post them up here. But you can always meet me and discuss ways to generate ideas for future research =)

Today's the last session for Project Excellence this year.

Tried out moderating a debate for the first time. The motion of the day was "Using computers affect your studies positively" and the P4s had to come up with their own points and try to argue in a coherent manner.

It was quite impressive that they were able to present well despite it being their first attempt. Debates are usually for secondary school level, so considering their young age, it was really good =)

And with that concludes the end of the 2009 programme.

I'm so demoralised now that I feel like FFG-ing already.

Maybe I'm just not cut out to do research and I should just settle for second best. But right now I don't have a plan B in sight. All this while, I only had 1 goal in my uni life. To get into Honors so that I can do my masters next time.

Now I have this almost insurmountable obstacle right in front. And I don't have the confidence to cross over it. My self-efficacy has never been this low.

This is one failure too many.

Somehow I can't resist the temptation of not blogging. Even when I got nothing much to post up as well.

The only thing interesting so far was the first MR Halloween Celebration. A truly new experience for all the mixedrice members, after none of us had actually attended such an event before. My costume was supposedly a serial killer (check out my facebook dp to see how I look), but I'm more impressed with xia's attire. Just wow-ed me in her chinese ghost look.

Anyway the heavy rain did not deter us from parading ourselves, and even the taxi driver got so afraid of picking us up to go to Settler's Cafe at SMU. Anyway we went for a long parade from SMU to cinelesiure to catch our midnight movie after that.

I was sweating like crazy under the raincoat that I doubt I will wear it again for the next few weeks. But I had my fair share of fun waving at people on the streets.

What a night to remember. Now its back to studying all the way till December.

"Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendour in the grass, or glory in the flower, we will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind."
- William Wordsworth

Credit: picture from yahoo images.

Today's Project Excellence session was one of the best so far.

Perhaps it was due to the presence of an external audience (the cameraman who is doing the filming), the kids were extremely well-behaved throughout the session. This is quite miraculous, considering that these kids are usually noisy at times. Or was it the presence of Mr Tan? A possible confound.

This is such an interesting phenomenon. I remembered reading from somewhere that when an individual is under scrutiny by a camera, he/she will display a nontypical positive behaviour. Apparently this applies to kids as well.

But anyway, the activities were the same as previous week. A game of Headcount, followed by Poker Cards Mental Sum and finally a heuristic activity called "Act It Out". The kids were exposed to this special way of solving maths problems which I felt was very effective. We had an outdoor session of "Inventing Games" before the session ended.

It's 2 more session then we are done for the year. I can't imagine we are 1 year old faciliators now (or 2 year volunteers). Like what jeffrey says, we are going to hit the "3 year itch" pretty soon. haha

And Simon told us news that the programme is expanding, so next year is going to be a tough one. But like the rest of the volunteers, I believe we will be ready for this new challenge =)

"Like Love, Happiness need no reminder." (CP,2009)

I must laugh more. Arghhh I don't want to FFG yet. 1.5 more months to go. Jiayou CP!

Every semester there will be a point in time when I start questioning why I decided to torture myself by taking psychology. There is so many readings to do every week, numerous essays to submit, and super difficult mid-terms and final examinations (which never fails to cause my low self-esteem to drop further).

And somehow that period will pass and I will begin to like psychology again.

Unfortunately, its that time of the semester again =(

"Life often surprises you when you least expect it. Of course whether it's pleasant or not depend very well on your own perspective" (CP, 2009)

In life, there are so many things that are beyond anyone's control. What happens when expectations don't meet reality? One can either change their expectations to reflect reality, or continue treating reality as a nightmare that one will wake up from eventually.

As much as I like to dream about that wonderful future, sometimes its better to be realistic. Expectations usually yield disappointments. And I don't want to feel that often in life.

My life is too short for sad things.

Data collection totally drained me out. From the way I see the results, there is a strong possibility that no significant effect can be found.

I shall pray for the best. Otherwise I have no idea how to write the report. 60% OMG.

"If love is ultimately selfish, I'll rather not love at all." (CP, 2009)

I decided to post up the activities that the volunteers have done for Project Excellence, in case we forgot about them next time in our lives.

On Saturday, we were supposed to have a filming session for publicity during the cdac award ceremony but the filming crew didn't appear. So end up some of the activities got postponed to another session.

Anyway, we started off with a game of Headcount, a DS game that shows people walking in, walking out of a house and we have to guess the final numbers of people in the house at the end. This is an interesting game that demonstrates the need for accuracy and concentration given time pressure.

The next game we played uses poker cards. Each kid got a stack of cards and they are supposed to open them up and either multiply, add or subtract the numbers and tell us the answer in the shortest time.

After that, the kids got a chance to go out and they were given the task of inventing a game for the other kids to play using the allocated equipment. These includes 1 blindfold, 1 inflatable ball and 6 hula-hoops.

Enjoyed this session tremendously =)

Only as high as I reach can I grow,
Only as far as I seek can I go,
Only as deep as I look can I see,
Only as much as I dream can I be.

-Karen Ravn-

We will be having Dr Kai-Ping Shaw, the number 1 forensic pathologist in taiwan as our guest lecturer tomorrow.

Looking forward to it =)

Haven't visited the thingsweforget blog for sometime and I was greeted with this very relevant post-it note. I will always remember this by heart. It's useless to lead just by using authority and power, for you will only have their obedience but never their hearts.

One day, I hope to be a true leader who can inspire and motivate people to chase for their own dreams =)

E-learning week this week!

But no break for me. Must continue to mug (especially after I saw the social cog mid terms results. oh crap I shall not comment on it)

Time to re-learn how to use SPSS again =(

Good wind today =)

And I must surf more with that dreaded 6m. I can do this!

We had a very special guest lecturer for our forensic class yesterday. And he is the famous Dr. Henry C. Lee 李昌鈺.

At first I didn't know how famous he was, after all our lecturer's (Dr Stella) email said "one of the world foremost forensic scientist". I thought that must be nothing compared to those Nobel laureates, but apparently I was wrong. Dr Stella said it cost something like US$10,000 for an hour of his lecture so he must be some really big shot (which is in fact through).

NUS is really honored by his presence. His lecture was extremely interesting and he kept throwing free badges to students who answered his questions (raising your hands is counted as well sometimes). Those badges were like $29.90 each. Wow. His fascination for spinning powerpoints words entertained us well for that 3 hours too.

Somewhere in the middle of the lecture, he also showed us a picture of his plastic ruler he used for his investigation work. Someone actually took it and sold it on ebay for like US$495. That ruler probably cost like 50 cents?? haha. He was going to give out 2 during the lecture and one of those rulers ended up with some lucky student in the lecture hall (The other went to the Vice Dean I think).

Some of his famous cases includes the OJ Simpson case, reinvestigation of JFK assassination, 3-19 Chen Sui Ban shooting (then taiwan president), Vincent Foster case, Phil Spector case. Check out wikipedia to find out more. These are BIG cases.

One of the best forensic lecture so far =)

It's time to re-watch this and learn the art of synthesizing happiness.

Oops but sorry for the lack of updates. I was too busy trying to rush through 2 mid terms test and 1 forensic report this week. But I'm done with it now (like finally). So that is the end of hell week I supposed.

Recess Week was a super fruitful one. Other than monday and tuesday when I was busy mugging alone in RP library for social cog test, wednesday was spent with CPG at JB, followed by NEXUS camp from thursday till sunday.

JB was a great time to nua. We basically slacked around Jusco for lunch at A&W. Out of our randomness, we decided to do a carousal from the wooden structure (or whatever you call it). Cool way to slack while waiting for dinner at Taman garden (literal translation). After that its secret recipe for takeaway back home.

NEXUS camp is one fun camp. We get to do whitewater rafting, waterfall abseiling and caving all for FREE. haha. Of course we learnt about leadership stuff as well. And tons of games, especially polar bear.

Alright I shall stop for now. Need to rush my forensic report first.

A bit random here but I miss waltz-ing =(

"Busy as a bee" week.

Spent most of the time this week settling all the windsurf takeover procedures and just plain mugging. Somehow the time I spent on mugging is not very efficient/productive, perhaps because distracting thoughts from windsurfing keep intruding into my mind and took over that limited cognitive resources that I have.

But oh well, I just hope to set up the basic framework and leave the respective people to do their own job. Sometimes I do indeed need to learn the skill of delegating work. There's just too little time.

Next week there is the long awaited CPG trip, the TeamNexus camp as well as the committee handover dinner. Time is so short, and I have got 2 mid-terms right after I come back from Gopeng camp.

And not to mentioned that 5 page forensic fingerprint report that is due the same week as the mid terms. I can feel hell week approaching. Pray that I can survive this :/

Now its back to studying, will post up the new book ( I sit, I write, I flush) when I got the time to do so.

"I still want to believe that miracles exist." (CP, 12.09.2009)

Its been a long time I had a new book to read. And so it happened that jieying had a book for me to write a review about for the cdac magazine.

This is a super interesting teen book. The language is not complicated and the best part is the book is not extremely thick as well (as compared to my textbooks). Mr. Busy me took some time off last thursday to read this overdue book. And I'm done reading this in a day.

The main story is about living on this concept of "borrowed time". Supposed that one day you realise your schoolmate is dying and you decide to donate a month of your life to him to encourage him to be strong. That was what Anthony Bonano (also known as Antsy) did in the story.

Word began to spread about Antsy’s great act and everyone started following suit, donating “a month of life” to Gunnar. Suddenly from then on, Antsy became the Master of Time. This new found power came with great responsibilities as well. Very soon, Antsy realized he has within his control the ability to trade items with time. By the end of the story, he had amassed 123 years of life.

But all good things come to an end eventually. When Antsy’s dad donated two years of his life and suffered a heart attack immediately, panic struck and everyone started asking for “refunds” of their lives!

What should Antsy do when this happens? Faced with pressure from his dying father, the schoolmates, his friend Gunnar, Antsy has to find a solution to the mess that he created.

Read the book yourself to find out more!

Time to get on with life.
Don't emo too much peng.
There's still a lot of people waiting.

While revising, I went to read up and actually found out that I had fallen prey to the prospect theory.

When people have to make decision in situations where they choose to take risks, most people tend to choose the risk-seeking behaviour if they are faced with 2 options that involve losses. So like the classic example of the "Asian Plague" and the solution of choosing between

(1) Program A can save 200 and let 400 people die
(2) Program B has 1/3 chance of saving 600 people and 2/3 chance of them dying.

Most people will end up choosing B. Even when it might not be the best choice. Apparently it is explained using heuristics. Can't believe that as a psychology student I actually committed the same mistake as well. But oh well, this is life.

(edited this post while i go and read up more on heuristics. it will be bad to post wrong information here. haha)

After a few days of mental turmoil, I'm totally drained.

I had held high hopes for the coming year, I thought things might just turn out the way as I envisioned it if I tried hard enough, but sometimes some are just not within my control. I have many plans, some may bear fruit, some may not. Many have questioned my decision, and I'm tired of explaining it all over again for the umpteen time.

Yes it was a mistake. I never expected the consequences to be that serious. I am far too restricted in my own perspective to see beyond my own point of view. Someone please knock some sense into me and open up my horizon.

Since there is no turning back now, as yw said "from now on, the choice that I made is the right one, even if it may not exactly be the best, most objective one. But I will have to stick by it."

It's time I moved forward. It will be best if they can understand and move along with me. Otherwise, I just have to go on, together with a new untested batch that I put my faith in. I don't know for sure how many will end up mia-ing, but I will make sure it doesn't end up crippling the rest of us.

"Life is never a bed of roses". I can forsee the road ahead clearly. It is going to be tough, but the results is definitely worth the effort someday.

Remember this year is windsurfing year. it awaits.

I seldom post entries in chinese. But this story is just so ....

蝙蝠侠哭了

蝙蝠侠是Gotham City的守护者，从来不求回报，只是希望Gotham City市民能过着安定的生活，也不想想自己快乐过吗，付出这么多值得吗？也许是因为蝙蝠侠的随传随到，所以Gotham City市民从来也没感激过蝙蝠侠，把他就当成可有可无的“工具”。Gotham City 警长只需要到屋顶打开有着“蝙蝠”标志的投影灯，把蝙蝠标志投向黑暗的夜空, 蝙蝠侠就一定火速赶到屋顶和警长会合，然后就默默的继续他的行动。 在行动成功后，就消失在黑暗中，在高处鸟瞰整个城市，然后满意的回到自己的豪宅，继续做个忧郁，寂寞（其实他有个郁闷又罗嗦的管家）的宅男。

有一天， Gotham City来了一个新的Super Hero. 他的服装很炫，很有型，而且人缘很好。不过多久，就变成Gotham City的万人迷。街头巷尾都贴了印有他灿烂笑脸的海报，小孩都握着他的公仔，嘴里嘀嘀咕咕地嚷着长大也要做个Super Hero,站在一旁的爸爸妈妈都露出会心的一笑。蝙蝠侠一瞬间成了大家的回忆，成为历史的一部分。尽管市民开始对他冷漠，但是，他还是守候着Gotham City，认为那是他的使命。除了Gotham City, 他在哪里都找不到那熟悉的归属感。保护着城市，好像就是他活下来的理由。

蝙蝠侠也想做个普通人，远离Gotham City，远离和Joker, Penguin 那堆恶人周旋的生活。但是， 他一旦离开这种生活，就少了他蝙蝠侠的身份，成为普通的Bruce Wayne, 成为Gotham City 的普通市民。

蝙蝠侠心里却不想放弃一切，因为他爱这个城市，所以不想离开。但是，蝙蝠侠也是人，他也会累，也会想离开Gotham City。他不是不爱Gotham City了，而是Gotham City对他的冷漠，让他失望。

蝙蝠侠哭了。。。。你看到了吗？

他戴着他的面具在哭， 你又怎么看得到呢？

credits: a starfish story

Rained the whole morning so windsurf session was cancelled.

But the notification came too late, I was already at water venture when I received the sms from jude. So in the end I still went out to surf using the club board.

Figured out that I really have to train for the next few sessions because my tacking and gybing is pretty bad (to be honest). Windsurf is going to take up quite a lot of my time this year even since I took on the job.

Also stayed back till late yesterday with samuel, yoongwend and esther as well as the other university representatives for the WAS meeting. Apparently we are now all committee members of the Windsurfing Association of Singapore (which means more work for us).

Meeting was pretty long, but I saw a genuine effort to revive the windsurfing sport back into Singapore. Its a fun and exciting sport, both physically and mentally challenging at the same time. But I still believe that given enough effort (like all other sports), someday I can plane on the water and feel the wind blow away all the stress that I have.

Suddenly felt an impulse to blog.

But there seems to be nothing to write down at all. Perhaps its because this entire week I have been busy with tutorial work and windsurfing stuff that I hardly have time to sit down and enjoy doing the things I like.

The most interesting event I could think of is star-watching at my uncle's place. Like me, he is also an avid astronomer-wannabe and he got a super cool telescope that can be used to do star gazing. A pity that I have missed out too many star explorations trip with him because I was busy. But last sunday I managed to grab some time off to go star spotting at his house multi-storey carpark.

Nothing impressive was seen though because the night sky was only cloudless for a short while. But nevertheless I got to see Jupiter! Its not exactly big and clear like those in the astronomy books, but its still the first planet I saw with my own eyes.

I look forward to seeing Saturn and its beautiful rings next time =)

A picture of Jupiter taken from yahoo images.

What a week!

Windsurf Championship was a great experience. I finally rid myself of the traumatic experience of the last Internal Race. So it is possible that a new memory can erase/negate the memory of an older incident.

I still remembered the Internal Race was a total disaster. 3 Races with DNS (Did Not Start) and getting drifted 2 breakwaters away and no one to save you. Fortunately I managed to complete all the race course at yesterday's windsurf champs. Identified my weak points and I shall improve on my board handling in strong winds. Somehow I can't really handle the wind proficiently yet.

And the biggest surprise I gotten after the race. haha shall not post it up here.

Its about time I start to concentrate on studying and spend lesser time on all the exciting stuff I like to do.

So I will not be able to blog as regularly as before. And I still have to figure out how to upload the photos on blogger =(

Somehow I cannot seem to upload photos onto blogger =(
Its the end of the holidays =(
I got no money left to spend =(
There is still a lot of things I want to do yet =(
Sch and mugging is starting to pile up =(

But CPG Dinner & Nite cycling this week. and that is a reason to smile =)

These days other than the NDP preview that I watched on saturday, there wasn't much things for me to do. Other than picking up on my neglected reading (currently reading Paulo Coelho - The Winner Stands Alone), I spent most of my time trying to figure how to use photoshop and photoscape.

And now I'm so addicted to taking photographs in second life =)

My desktop keep getting infected with trojan/virus. And its irritating me a lot. I need help to remove these nasty pests!

Matric Fair is over. So that is another item off the list. School is reopening.

Not much happenings during this period, maybe with the exception of the extremely cute japanese anime (which I forgot the title) which I watched together with the kids during Project Excellence.

And also meeting my abacus teacher who taught me like more than 10 years ago. Its such a small world that she is currently teaching at the community centre near my house, but for the past 10 years we have never met. Somehow things just happened and we finally met again =)

It's good to know people who have made an impression in my life.

Windsurf Camp went pretty well (looking at the response on facebook). I didn't really expect that though, after all many of the things didn't really go according to plan. But somehow everyone still had fun (which is what the whole camp should be like).

Before I start writing about my camp reflections, I will first like to thank personally everyone who has helped me a great deal throughout the camp. Comm members (Eugene, Yoongwend, Kwanrong) and gay buddy Jude for supporting me all the way with the planning and execution of the programmes. CPGs (Hen, Sab, Char, Karen), yanjie, alvin, yongjian, joanna for volunteering to be OGLs when I was extremely shorthanded. Esther for transporting stuff and Simon for kindly lending me all the games logistics at such a late notice. THANK YOU ALL =)

On a personal note, I wasn't really satisfied with the whole camp. Somehow I felt it could have been even better than the one we ended up with. Perhaps this is so because I set quite a high standard as to what a camp should be like. When I fail to reach this, I tend to get disappointed with myself. But what I realised after all this is, as long as the rest of the participants enjoyed themselves, nothing else matters much.

It took me quite alot of effort to plan for the treasure hunt and the mini-race, so it was quite a waste that I had to scrap both plans because the participants didn't really seem interested. But I guess I ought to be more flexible and just go according to the situation instead of rigidly follow the initial plan.

After the second night, almost a third of the participants left the camp early and I was rather saddened by this. I started to question myself whether this camp is indeed such a failure. Never have I been to a camp when so many participants left the place early. Imagine 46 people reduced to 31 at the end of the last day. But things still have to go on.

I cannot expect everyone to enjoy themselves fully in this camp. There had been lots of hiccups because a lot of the things wasn't well-thought out and planned. Boards, accomodation and BBQ food was a problem. Though no one said it out, I could still sense their disappointment. And this really made me emo.

But I am still heartened to see that a few more people seem to be interested in windsurfing. Next camp will be better (If I still remain in comm). But for now, I shall still do my best to serve my remaining time before the next batch takes over.

Away for Windsurf Camp 21-23th July.

Totally caught unexpected when huihui told me simon is not around to conduct yesterday's PE session. We were unprepared at first but fortunately the 3 of us still managed to pull through with chinese chess.

What I learnt from yesterday's session is that we have grown over-dependent on simon's lesson plan that we failed to have any backup in case of contingency. And communicating with the kids and getting their attention is indeed hard work.

I marveled at huihui's patience with the kids. No matter how inattentive/disruptive they were, she still kept her cool and continued the class smoothly. That is what future teachers should be like =)

I didn't know doing cement work would be so tough. Looks like I shouldn't underestimate those construction workers.

This short working experience has been fruitful. I've been to so many departments during this period that I doubt not many undergraduates can get a feel of the things that I do.

If I were to list down my job scope, they will include...

Project Coordinator department - liase with customers on job scope, create schedules for work, do risk assessments/method statements, attend site meetings, go for site surveys with supervisors.

Operations department - plan manpower allocation, transportation arrangements, tools maintenance, admin work (Delivery order, storage order etc.)

HR department - interviewing new employees (I still remeber the first interview I had to conduct, that was when its was only my second day of work. haha). Record daily attendance and leave application and medical certificates.

Purchasing Department - sourcing for tools for work (eg. generators, customised bolt/nuts, cement, electrical panels etc), negotiating price for subcontract.

plus a whole lot more of weird little hands-on jobs like cement work, dig trench, lay power cables, drive forklift, help in hoisting, scaffolding, fixing pipes, delivery of equipment etc.

Ballroom class is over. Unexpectedly, the class was extremely small yesterday so I managed to get more attention to improve on my waltz. Christine (the teaching assistant?) was definitely a great help and now I'm more confident of my 18 steps.

Shall practice regularly in case I forget this skill and wasted all my wednesday nights. Finally another item off my list. It's about time I get a break and just stay at home to sleep =)

Finally handed in my letter. 11 more days to go. Then its back to school stuff once more.

"Always plan early, but nothing ever goes according to plan."

Today is definitely the test of my problem-solving ability. I always remembered this maxim and this important assignment I settled everything way in advance.

The guard house always gave us problems for our work everytime, and this time round I made extra care to complete all the paperwork early so that work can be done smoothly. Everything was according to plan, but then still some things went out of our control.

Work got stuck and there was confusion everywhere. Everyone had different solutions to resolve the problem, so it was quite an effort to reach a consensus. This always happen. Whenever there is something wrong, the first thing people do is to blame the in charge. It is not that we do not do our job, but some things are just beyond our control.

But nevertheless I am still glad that work was still done eventually.

For I am like the wind,

formless yet always present.

When the journey is calm,

I shall return to my quiet solitude.

But if the heat gets too unbearable,

You can be sure that wind will be there

to cool you down

everytime.

-peng-

I was sitting down alone at Bugis Street yesterday, waiting for 2 straight hours before ballroom dancing class. Suddenly I was struck by this deep feeling of loneliness. As I watch the people walk pass tending to their respective lives, I began to feel more and more empty.

It was as if there was nothing to look forward in life anymore. There is something missing in my life. I don't know what it is. And I fear that feeling =(

Random post but this note reaffirms the desire to volunteer.

Three lesson that I wanted to learn from this climbing trip. Teamwork, Perseverance and Goal-doing.

Teamwork - Since this was a climbing expedition, there were definitely going to be groups. What I wanted to learn was how to work more effectively with strangers. In real life, a lot of the times you will be meeting with people you are unfamiliar with, be it at work or school projects. It's actually a useful skill to learn.

Throughout the five days in Stong, I realised that teamwork isn't just about assigning roles and doing your own jobs. That is not a team, that is a group. A team is one where members are enthusiastic about achieving a common goal (reaching the summit) and everyone tries to help each other to reach it. For example, I have seen numerous cases of people helping carry backpacks of physically less fit. Even though these guys have their own load to carry, their willingness to help others is commendable. Also there are cases of people who offer to the extra helping hand even though they are not asked to do so. I wanted to see if I was capable of such acts too. For example, it is very tempting to just sit down and rest when we reach a checkpoint, but how many will actually remember those that are still struggling behind and offer to help them. I hope to make it come naturally (sometimes I too get lazy and pretend not to see).

Perseverance - Like the saying "When the going gets tough, the tough gets going." I aimed to learn this through constant trying and strong motivation to succeed. I wanted to challenge myself to see if this mountain was conquerable and I'm glad that I managed to do so. The satisfaction of succeeding on a task was definitely worth the effort. All that thanks to perseverance and not giving up halfway (when I was too tired to even move).

Goal-doing - This is different from goal-setting (even though it is just as important) but what I wanted to do was to see whether I can follow through with the goals that I set. It is easy to set goals, but it is hard to achieve them. I set my goal of reaching the summit, but if I do not put it into action, nothing can ever come out. Its no point dreaming of standing at the top of the world and not making the preparations to achieve it. My next goal will be Kinabalu before I graduate, and I will definitely prepare myself for this day =)

Nothing much to blog about these days. My new project at Bedok/ Ulu Pandan Water Reclaimation Plant has just started work so I guess it's crunch time for me.

Basically my life is becoming a rountine once again. Every weekday just work, monday nights for Second Life camp/matric fair meeting, wednesday nights for ballroom class, thursday nights for windsurf camp planning, saturdays work and volunteering. I feel guilty that I haven't been going down for windsurf sessions for quite some time. Jude must be very busy trying to coordinate every week's session.

Once again I will miss this week windsurf again because I'm going JB. oops. This friday is Project Excellence camp, I can't wait!

It's back to work after the Stong Trip. Busy as usual so there wasn't much time for me to reflect about the lessons from the trip. Probably will do it over the weekends (I really hope I have the time to do it though because its another packed weekend).

Next big event coming up will be the Project Excellence flagship camp (19 -20 June). Looking forward to facilitating those cute little kids! haha.

This is also a call for NUS students who might be free on the 26-27 June, 9am-4pm. CDAC needs about 3 volunteers to help out at their Science camp held at LT27. I can send you guys the details if anyone is interested. If you are free, go sign up! Don't hesitate when it comes to volunteering. Never mind if you don't have friends to sign up with (because when I first started volunteering, I signed up alone too. The passion to serve can overcome anything). LOL

First of all, I'm back safe and sound from Gunung Stong. It's been a really great experience this time round. Will be posting up a reflection of the things that I learnt from this, but here is an account of the things I did over there (Written in my travel journal)

Day 1

1330hrs - Met up with char, guochen , fiona, zz, karen, wz for lunch at causeway point before going off for some shopping in ntuc for the trip later.

1600hrs - Met the participants and the rovers members at kranji mrt & took 170 to JB. This is the first time I'm taking a bus to JB (I have to admit it even though I stay in woodlands). I was quite excited and nervous because I've read so much news about fatal robberies over there, yet another part of me was curious to find out the place that I only get to see from the singapore coast. The company of friends sort of reduced my nervousness.

1730hrs - Reached City Square and went down to the basement to find their supermart to buy foodstuff for the trip with fiona, amy, trisha & alvin. Things are so much cheaper here, so I guess I don't mind going over to shop next time.

1900hrs - After dinner, we boarded the train to Dabong. The entire journey lasts 10 hours, so the time of arrival should be somewhere around 7am the next day. One thing to comment is that it is another first for me (I have never taken a train all my life, unless you consider MRT as one). So I was quite fascinated with it. Throughout the ride, we entertained ourselves with games and HTHT.

The first impression of the train was that it was quite spacious and clean (of course with the exception of the toilet). The ride was bumpy throughout and it was quite hard to maintain balance at the upper deck (if that is the right word to use).

2330hrs - There is not much stuff to do onboard, so I shall end off early and sleep. Tomorrow is going to be an exhausting day, since we will be trekking to the base camp with our bag packs (extremely heavy because of the tents and burners). Let's see what will happen tomorrow. I'm too excited that I doubt I can sleep peacefully tonight.

Day 2

0600hrs - Woke up and washed up. One funny incident to comment was that me and zz (or was it haowei) went out of the train to brush our teeth when it stopped. We thought the train might stop for a while to let passengers alight. While we were doing so, we suddenly notice that the train started to move. Totally shocked us because we almost thought what will happen if we could not get back up and ended stuck at this unknown destination. I cannot imagine.

0700hrs - Reached Dabong. We had breakfast at a nearby canteen. Fiona was extremely afraid of cats (and there were quite a number of them there) and had to keep shifting around to avoid them. It's funny to see that scene that the more she tries to move, the more the cats wants to follow her.

0900hrs - Cave exploration begins. We visited the dark cave, the dagger cave and the fence cave (not sure if i gotten the names correct).

Dark Cave - the entire place is totally dark (hence its name) and consists of many limestone features. I better go read my 'A' level geography textbooks before I post the names of the features that I saw.

Dagger Cave - This is the most interesting of the three caves. It is named because of this dagger shaped feature found inside. The shape is created based on the changes in the water level inside the cave for the past million years (?). Presence of the gull pools, Jordan Shoe, limestone curtains continued to capture my curiosity for nature's wonders. There is also a special species of spiders that lived only in that cave (see facebook for the photo). It was hard getting into that small chamber because the hole is rather small. We termed that hole as the "birth canal" (haha) because it was almost as hard as labor to pass through it. At the end, there was a special area where the sunlight beamed down and created a surreal scene. Everyone was posing and taking photos of that phenomena.

Fence Cave - The only special thing about this cave is the presence of the trapdoor spider. And of course that diamond lookalike crystal structure.

1300hrs - Lunch back at he resort followed by4 hours of trekking to the base camp. The path up was slippery due to rain. It was tiring but worth the effort eventually because we were greeted with a magnificant view of the place from the top of the waterfall (310m).

1700hrs - Set up tentage in the rain. Dinner and free & easy. I wanted to go for star gazing but the sky was too cloudy, so we went up sitting down and just chit-chatting. Sleep at 2330hrs after chatting with trisha and haowei.

Day 3

0600hrs - Woke up to catch a glimpse of sunrise fromthe lookout spot but the sky continued to be too misty. Breakfast with the group at the same area. It was quite a good feeling to be free of worries (at least temporarily) and enjoy the view from above. Packed up lunch and water for the summit climb later.

0900hrs - Started the climb and it took us 4.5 hrs (estimated) to reach the summit. Trek up was rather monotonous, mostly climbing up rocks and branches (similar to Mt Ophir).

1300hrs - Reached the summit at last. It was rather disappointing though because I had in mind a summit that has a fantastic view but the summit consists of just a piece of rock. The view was blocked by trees, which cannot be cut because it protects the soil at the summit, otherwise the rock at the top might fall some day due to soil erosion. Lunch and photo-taking at the summit.

1400hrs - Started the descent. On the way down, we encountered heavy rain and everyone was totally drenched. I was so afraid that my passport will get wet and the immigration chop would be smudged. Fortunately, I managed to leave my plastic bag inside jonathan's waterproof bag. I can't imagine the consequences.

1600hrs (estimated) - This is the moment that I just had to blog it down. We had to cross a rushing river to get back to our base camp. The river was flowing very fast due to heavy rainand it was quite dangerous to cross it. The guides made a makeshift bridge for us to cross. One particular incident that shocked me was when Guochen accidentally slipped and fell into the river. It was super dangerous then. Luckily, the guides managed to get him back up.

1800hrs - All of us are back in one piece at the base camp. It was quite an experience to be trekking in heavy rain and everyone was quite exhausted. We had dinner.

2000hrs - The river was still flowingvery strong at night so we couldn't really bath. After dinner, basically we just sat around the campsite and passed milo and chit-chat again. I went to sleep at about 2330hrs. Sleep was not good as usual because of the branch directly below me (plus the tent was wet from the rain before).

Day 4

0600hrs - Once again supposed to catch sunrise but the weather was not on our side. Went back to sleep and only woke up at 0730hrs. Today is the last day in Stong and we will be doing waterfall trekking later.

0900hrs - Waterfall exploration. The first waterfall was the one with a mini-dive pool and all of us took turns to dive into the pool. Had a hard time persuading those non-swimmers to conquer their fears and jump. But everyone eventually did it. Hurray.

Second waterfall was the one with the 1.7m hole and mini slide. New experience to try to put oneself into that small little hole that I cannot feel the bottom. This was also the place where we took the "butt out" photo at the waterfall cave. My shorts almost came off due to the pressure of the fast moving water flowing down. Totally hilarious and "choonpeng-ish".

Third waterfall was the one with a 3 storey high slide. Everyone had to take turns to climb up the waterfall and slide down from there. This was the main highlight of the entire trip. I went up and before I could even sit down on the slide, I slipped and fell down the waterfall. OMG! Nothing fatal happened though but I was just shocked because I didn't even have the time to prepare myself and I slided down. Went back up again and did a 3 man slide with haowei and zz.

1300hrs - After the waterfall exploration, we went back to camp for lunch and packed up for the final descent. Before we set off, we got to see live scorpions byt the local people. I was too afraid to even touch it and hid behind all the way. It was a real shocker to see the person put two scorpions into his mouth. The trek down took about 3.5hrs.

1730hrs - We are finally back at the resort. Our official Stong journey is over. Another funny incident to note down again. Me, haowei, guochen and zz went to bath at the river. I wanted to threw my clothes over to a piece of rock so that I can cross over. The moment I threw it, the pack of clothes fell and slipped into the river. Of course I immediately tried to retrieve it back but failed. The water swept my clothes away. I tried to reach my hands to grab it and slipped and fell down the rapid as well. It was quite an embarrassing sight and haowei chivalrously managed to dive in to get back my clothes.

Another funny incident was when haowei was standing on the rock and changing and we suddenly saw karen from afar. haha haowei was totally surprised because he thought no one is looking and was going to change his undergarments. haha. I had the same experience when I was changing and guochen suddenly pointed up and I saw charissa from above.

1830hrs - Took bus back to the train station for dinner. Boarded the train at 2250hrs and the journey back was again playing games and bonding session. Went to sleep at 0130hrs.

Day 5

1000hrs - We are back in Singapore! It's definitely an enjoyable trip. I shall go sign up for another one next year.